The 50 Shades of a BDSM Contract

So you're curious about BDSM. You've done a little whipping. Maybe you want to try something a little more edgy. Remember, this article comes from the dominant/ Master perspective. In this case, Master Gothos signs a contract (or agreement) with his submissives. If or when you create your own contracts, they likely will look a lot different. Jean-Luc educates on the importance of BDSM contracts.

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So you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey. You've either convinced your husband or boyfriend that you want a dominant/submissive component to your relationship. Or maybe they've come to you saying that they want to add this component to your relationship. You remember in the Fifty Shades, there was a contract and tell them you want one.

What we're reviewing

Here, we're go over what a real dominant/submissive or BDSM contract looks like. Keeping in mind that this is just one way of doing this sort of thing, and that there are many different kinds of contracts for scene play. We are just going to cover the basic concepts of the dominant/ submissive contract.


A note on safety 

A couple notes of safety here. Only do this with partners you trust and have a good solid relationship with, money should never be part of this process. Contracts are an expansion of a relationship that wants to take a more committed track and contracts normally include a permanent collar. At least in my opinion, but then I like Oreos and chocolate milk at the same time. I’m crazy like that.

Why a contract?

Ok so the first thing you should have in your contract, and just like in the book. It should list all of your hard limits. I think of these as the, 'not in a fucking million years' or, 'for any amount of money ever' limits. You should know your limits and what you do and don’t like. For me, I draw the line with knife play, golden showers, needle play, or anything that involves blood. This is why communication is so very important in the dominant/submissive relational dynamic. You have to be completely open and honest about what turns you on and what turns you off.

Decide what you like

The next thing listed in the contract should be your likes, wants, desires, and things you might be curious about. So if you enjoy being tied up and hung from the ceiling and used as a pinata of sexual pleasure, that should be in the contract. As should any expectations you have for your Dom. This will be the rare time you can and should be talking freely as equals. Nothing should be left unsaid during this time.

Now, the contract will also have all the expectations that your dominant will have for you. Personally, I have some big expectations that I include in the contracts that I have issued in the past. So I’ll use a past contract as an example. I’m a strong believer in the K.I.S.S. concept of life. Keep It Super Simple. I despise the word stupid hence the modified version.

A sample contract

So here is an example of what you might expect if you were to enter into a contract with me. Also I tend to enjoy having domestic submissives, so this contract will reflect that (as I’m terrible with house work). Also, because this is consensual either party can end a contact at anytime.

The contract

You are hereby entering into a contracted dominant/submissive relationship. All expectations will be met or punishment will be given out. This relationship can be ended by either party at anytime.

The Submissive's Obligations

#1 You will be available to me at all times.
#2 You will be active in keeping yourself healthy with Diet and Exercise.
#3 You will maintain the house as described and directed by me.
#4 You will maintain contact with me during the day, and you will check in with me if you will be late getting home. This part is important and I will explain more here in a bit.
#5 You will have dinner ready at exactly the same time every night unless I have said otherwise.

Submissive Hard Limits

It would be here that the submissive would list all of his or her hard limits and the things they won’t do as far as sex play and kink.

This next half of the contract would explain the expectations that the Submissive would have of his or her dom(me). This would also be where the dom(me) would list their hard limits and those acts they won’t be taking part in.

Now a couple of notes, this is a living document it can be adjusted as needed by either person. I have a very hard line when it comes to my subs. I expect them to be home when I get home, and I expect them to be waiting by the door as I generally tend to be home the same time every night. I also tend to lean towards domestic submissives as I’ve mentioned earlier, I’m terrible with housework. My mind is normally on other things and it’s normally an afterthought because I’m so distracted by other things. So most of my contracts tend to reflect that aspect.

A note on the contract

I take contracts very seriously, because it’s a written agreement. Although I don’t take it this far, there are some Dom(me)s that will have contracts notarized as legal documents. I have always believed that if you have gotten to the point you want to make the commitment of a contract, you have built up a very strong trust of each other so there is no need to take it to that extreme.

A word on the dominant in this contract (AKA me)

My contracts come with a collar and a promise to take care of my submissives. Although a lot of people have been saying otherwise, I believe submission is a gift to the Dom and that it should be respected as such.

I hope this article has given you a glimpse into what you can expect from a dominant/submissive contract. Please feel free to leave your comments below, tweet me, message me on Fetlife, or you can read my other thoughts on sex and sexuality on my blog, Mindchaotica.com. In the meantime make sure you keep it Lusty!

Jean-Luc Gothos is our resident pansexual geek. He's founder on Mindchaotica. He is also very active on Twitter, Facebook, G+, and Tumblr. I’m also a writer for Life On The Swingset, Kink~E Magazine, and he also reviews sex toys on EdenFantasys and writes for their sex positive online publication SexIs Social.

Have a question, comment or concern about this article? Please feel free to comment below.

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Gents! 5 Tips to Being Sexually Dominant

Has your partner asked for more domination in the bedroom? What better holiday gift than one of dominance? Now, if you're not sure whether this is exactly what your partner wants, do ask them – keep a constant and open communication.

With that, we've heard from ladies who want a dominant partner. We've heard from gents who want to be dominant, but they're afraid to hurt their partner. We get that. How lovely and nice of you. You should be proud that you're such a nice guy. No, seriously. But for now – if you've heard your partner ask you to dominate them, Portia Blush, our queen of dominance, has some ideas on how you can do just that.

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Being sexually dominated in the bedroom, although not a new fantasy by any means, is becoming less closeted. It's a more openly encouraged, erotic fantasy among women (think: Fifty Shades). More women are feeling safer about speaking out about their desire to dominated in the bedroom.

Maybe it's the popularity of books like Fifty Shades of Grey that are finally helping us feel comfortable and accepting of our own desires. Or maybe it's the readily accessible nature of sex-positive information on the internet. Whatever it is, we're asking for what we want. And what do we want? Well, it seems a lot of us want our partner to take sexual control of us!

Whether your girlfriend or wife just got finished reading Fifty Shades, or if it's been a long-time fantasy of hers, perhaps she has asked you to take the lead and be dominant in the bedroom. Now what?

Bringing this fantasy into fruition can be somewhat daunting, especially if you have no idea where to start. Here are 5 tips for learning how to be that dominant man your partner is lusting for!

#1 Talk, talk, and more talk

I know, you're probably thinking that talking things out will ruin the fantasy for her, but that is so not the case. You have to find out just what makes the fantasy so erotic for her for it to be effective. Communication is key to lubrication, I like to say! Is it just rougher, more animalistic sexual aggression she wants from you? Does she want to be tied up? Spanked over your knee? To be ordered about like a sex slave? Ask her what she finds erotic about being dominated by you, and you'll have the frame work you need to enjoy a whole new sexual adventure together!

#2 Feeling nervous? Try role play


It can be hard at first to try something new, or doesn't come naturally. You may have some reservations, or some inhibitions of your own, and find it difficult to trust your own instincts.

One of the best ways to help yourself through this is role-playing! Pretending to be someone else can help free you from the tape in your head that says, "I must be this way," and can allow you to let go and try something new. Be the Christian Grey she wants and she can be Anastasia. Be the teacher and she's the student, or maybe the cop, and she's the naughty law breaker! As En Vogue sang, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

#3 It's a two-way street

You have fantasies and desires too, as well as needs to be met just as your lovely lady wishing to submit does. Maybe there's something you want her to do for you. Perhaps you have wanted her to give you head in a specific way, or maybe you've thought about what it would be like to bend her over the dining room table and have your way with her from behind. Blending your desires with your lover's, in a harmonious way, will bring a symphony of erotic pleasure and fulfillment for the both of you. Power exchange is a dynamic in which we exchange power by giving our will to another, and that  can be a very sexy experience.

#4 Use your imagination

It’s very easy to get caught in the trappings of toys like ropes, paddles, and riding crops, and forget about the mental and emotional aspects of dominance and submission. Flex your mental muscles and use your imagination. Create an aura of dominance using just the way you move, speak (or don’t speak), and act. Look to characters from books and movies that you see as "dominant", or ask your partner who she thinks makes an incredibly sexy dominant male character! Find what inspires those feelings naturally in you, and make the role your own.

#5 Everyone loves toys

OK, so your partner really wants you to spank or paddle her – don't worry about spending a fortune on expensive toys right from the get-go. You don't need high-priced toys to have a good time. For spankings, everyone likes a god ole' fashioned, over-the-knee, bare-hand spanking. If you want to play around with different sensations, try the back side of a hairbrush, or a spatula! For more on spanking, check out Spanking 101.

No need to buy fancy restraints if you want to play with bondage! You can buy basic rope at your local hardware store or home improvement store, or try using silky scarves, too! You an also buy "bondage tape" for low-cost, which is a PVC tape that adheres to itself. It's cheap, easy to remove, and disposable too! Look around the home for potential tools – neck ties, scarves, and belts. Really, your imagination is the best toy you have, so play around and experiment! Most of all, have fun!

This is all a very basic starting point to begin your journey with. The best resource you have to discover your erotic map in playing with dominance and submission is each other. Find out what you both like, and what you'd like to try, and have fun discovering together. The possibilities are endless!

For questions on sexual dominance or submission, feel free to contact Portia via her blog! Also, e-mail reply@getlusty.com.

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

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The Importance of Safewords

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Erotic! 50 Shades-Inspired Fantasy for Foreplay

Though Shades of Grey September is long over, we're still fantasizing. And what better time than a Sunday to read erotic stories for foreplay? Dr. Limor Michelmen, our favorite saucy doctor, is here to take you on an erotic journey. Read on.

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I have been living in my apartment for two years now, but for some reason, even in this new, beautiful building, the construction never ends.

The one thing I never really found aversive, to say the least, is the sexy presence of the construction workers. Something about a strong man in a hard hat always titillates me.

I get in the elevator with Joe, Mark and Jason. They’re all dressed in their heavy gear, greeting me as I nod my head, smile and stand in front of them.

I have fantasized about each and every one of them so many times. It almost feels like they can read my mind. I’m wearing my low-cut, back revealing blouse, so I’m thinking, "My semi-nudity will excite them, sans exposing my extreme arousal," as I brush against Joe’s arm, entering the elevator.

They gentlemanly allow me to exit first, I drop one side of my blouse and reveal a tanned shoulder, Mark sighs, just enough for me to hear it.

As I walk in the garage, my panties are already drenched. I’m checking my watch: I have an hour to get to work. I have a choice of a quick pleasuring session in my car, or a relaxing cup of coffee, but after this elevator ride, the choice is clear. I’m getting in my car, lowering my sit to get comfortable and checking the garage. “Good I’m all alone." Tinting my windows was probably my best gift this year, given the fact that these guys have been keeping me so hot and bothered lately.

I pull my little pink rabbit out of the glove compartment and pull down my jeans. I’m so wet, I don’t even need to lubricate my throbbing hole. The rabbit slides in smoothly and closes tightly on my engorged clit. I choose my favorite elevator fantasy to get myself going:


I enter the elevator as I did this morning, the three Gods of sexual healing are standing there, flashing their hot, muscular arms and sweaty chests. Mark reaches over and turns a key, the elevator stops between floors.

My favorite, Joe, runs his rugged hand down my shivering back, coming closer and kissing my neck. “You know where this is going baby, don’t you?” he whispers in my ear. My nipples are about to tear my blouse, my heart races as I nod. Breathless. Jason pushes over and stands in front of me, slipping his hands under my blouse, grabbing my breasts and pinching my eager nipples.

"Oh honey, I think you’re ready for us, right? Just relax sweetheart, we’ll take good care of you," he promises, as he unzips my jeans, not taking his eyes of mine.

Joe starts peeling my blouse, exposing and caressing my breasts.

Mark is smiling as he pulls out a very large erection, and starts caressing his shaft. “You are even hotter than we imagined darling,” he compliments me and speeds his thrust. Jason gets down on his knees and pushes my soaked thong aside. “Look at this beautiful, wet hole. How excited are you now honey?” he is shoving two fingers into my quivering vagina, I’m so turned on, I just want to scream and beg him to fuck me.

He plays with my swollen clit, pushing his fingers in and out of me, then peels my panties off and starts lavishly licking my wetness. His stubbly, semi bearded face, is soaked in my juices, he seems to enjoy it immensely, but not nearly as much as I do. I’m just about to cum, as Joe decides to torture me and stops eating my pussy. I’m staring at him, like a child that lost her favorite doll.

“Don’t worry princess. It’s better to extend your pleasure, you really think we’ll leave you hanging?”

Mark and Jason place me comfortably on the elevator floor, and rotate positions. Now Mark is in charge of my clitoral pleasure. He’s doing a very good job.

Jason and Joe get down on their knees, placing their enormous erections close to my eager mouth. “Oh God boys, I can’t wait to swallow both of you. I have been fantasizing about tasting you for so long!" Joe is super excited, thrusting his shaft fast. I grab both in my hands and start rotating them in my mouth, occasionally fitting both of them together, to the best of my capacity.

My mouth is small and they find it thrilling, watching me struggle with their large erections.

I’m shoving my rabbit harder in my hole, pulling its power all the way to the top. I’m just about to cum wildly, as an alarming knock on the tinted window, throws me off my upcoming, well anticipated, orgasm.

It’s him, it’s Joe… turns out he has been watching me for a while, now what? I pull out my wet rabbit and place it under my seat. I pull down my blouse and crack open the window, looking all flushed and breathing heavily.

“Hi Joe, what’s up?” A part of me hoping to make this go away, while another is craving his beautiful big cock inside me.

“Oh honey, you know we’re way past pleasantries, right? Come out of the car, we’re alone here.” I must be crazy, I do as he orders. We’re standing very close, our bodies almost touch. I can smell his sweet aftershave.

“I know you want me, baby. And you definitely know you make my cock hard every time you swing by with that delicious, sexy body. So what do you say? Forget masturbating in the car and let me fuck you senseless?”

Oh, well! Now that he put it so subtly, I nod positively, whispering “please fuck me” in his ear.

“Get down on your knees sugar, I’m going to fuck your mouth!"

I oblige quickly, this only makes me more excited! I have been robbed out of my “almost climax” twice now, but this agonizing anticipation is glorious to me.

He pulls his big erection out of his pants, I place it firmly in my small hands and start licking his throbbing head, placing it in my mouth, on my lips, playing it with my tongue while caressing his scrotum. He gasps in pleasure, I feel him growing in my hands. I start eating him, pushing his huge head deep inside my mouth and throat. “Oh baby, you’re so good, take me all the way in. Please don’t stop!”

I play with him, pulling him out and then quickly placing him back in the moist warmth of my mouth, consuming him almost completely. “I would love to cum in your mouth honey, but I know I stopped you mid pleasure, so I’ll be fair."

I keep shoving his erection in my mouth until he forces me to stop. He grabs my charged body, peels down my jeans and throws me on the hood of the car. “Let me devour this beautiful pussy of yours."

He starts pleasuring me, his tongue going up and down my swollen lips, enveloping my clit.

His hands find my breasts, pinch my nipples and caress my entire flushed body. I can’t stand it anymore, I need to feel him inside me.

“Are you ready for me baby?” his strong arms turn me around swiftly. He positions me on the hood, shoving his fingers in my extremely wet hole, opening me up some more, with a wet finger in my anus.

I gasp with anticipation as he cleaves my quivering pussy with his enormous cock. “Fuck me baby, oh god. I’ve been craving this for so long” I scream.

“Take it honey, take my 10 inches all the way, that’s right. You look so gorgeous." We cum together, wet fluids cover our thighs. He picks me up, kisses me passionately and places me slowly on my feet, I’m floating...

Dr. Limor Blockman is a world-renowned clinical sex counselor, practicing as a relationship and family counselor, a sex educator, advice columnist, speaker and author. She holds a PhD in Human Sexuality, an MA in public health and community medicine, and a BA in psychology and behavioral sciences. She has published three bestselling books (published in Hebrew) and reaches people worldwide through print, TV, radio, Internet and video. Find out more about Limor through her website, Facebook or follow her on Twitter @DoctorLimor.

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Do 'Vanilla' and 'Kinky' Sex Crossover?

We have used the terms "vanilla" and "kink" a lot around here. But, why should we be so exclusive? Plenty of people out there could fall into both categories and not even know it! Sunny Megatron, sex educator and sex expert, wants to rid us of those two words because we all have a little vanilla and a little kink in us. Its not fair to corner yourself to only one side. We written extensively on BDSM, and Sunny Megatron is our sex educator extraordinaire, so read on!
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When it comes to vanillas and kinksters there’s a real “us” and “them” attitude. It’s like the Sharks and the Jets (Yes, I’m showing my age . . . and my love for musicals. Quiet, or I’ll dance fight your ass). If you’re one, you can’t be the other. You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the opposing side, right? Look how badly that turned out for Tony and Maria. It’s also assumed if you’re on one side, you think the other is less than worthy. Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.

I can’t tell you how many times a self identified vanilla has asked me, “How do I tell my partner I want some new things in bed? I’ve never told them I like some light spanks and nibbles— even a hand on the throat sometimes. I’d love for them to take charge a bit more and be more demanding. I also really enjoy role-playing. But don’t think I’m into, like, *makes the face* BDSM or anything. All that crazy stuff is just too freaky for me!”

Clothing

I’m not sure what most people think BDSM is? Sawing people in half while wearing all leather? Let’s examine a few “other side” observations about BDSM: The Outfits Practicing BDSM does not require special clothing. Yes, I’ve heard people say, “How silly would I look practicing S&M!? No one wants to see my muffin-top popping through a latex catsuit!” Or “I wouldn’t mind taking charge a little bit, it could be fun— but there’s no way I’d even try kink because of those outlandish get-ups they wear!”

You can be naked, in work clothes, lingerie, jeans and a sassy sweater, a baseball uniform, a space suit– whatever you like! The clothes in no way define the action. Yes, the leather and whips are what we see in porn, magazines and on TV— that’s because it’s flashy (and hot to spank it to). It’s also a stereotype. Nope, I don’t want to see my muffin-top in a catsuit either and I can’t walk in heels to save my life– but I still practice BDSM. I often do it in the ratty old nightgown I got from Old Navy.

BDSM acronym explained 

The Acronym BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadism & Masochism. It can be one or more of these things but for many it’s rarely all. Sometimes do you like your lover to take charge, pin you up against the wall and give you direction? That’s dominance and submission.

Do you like to give your partner a smack on the ass or hold them a bit tightly? What about a little bite or nibble? Have you ever left a little mark that’s visible the next day? Sadism! If you like receiving, that’s masochism.

Do you enjoy restraining your lover? Pinning their hands behind their back or above their head? Perhaps tying their wrists or ankles together with a scarf or tie? Bondage!

If you have done any of these things, you are practicing elements of BDSM without even realizing it.

Also, kinky people do not necessarily like every kind of freaky activity under the sun (most don’t). Just because you enjoy being tied up every once and a while does not mean you also have to like pain and vice versa. If you are into the BD but not the SM you are still technically considered a practitioner of BDSM. It’s a common misconception that people have to be into the B, the D, the S and the M to be considered kinky.

The gear 

Many assume you need to have: expensive floggers, whips, ball gags and a saw-a-person-in-half machine to effectively practice BDSM. Have you ever used a scarf or tie to blindfold a partner? Yes? Then you’ve engaged in sensory deprivation on a dime!

Use that same scarf or tie to restrain their hands or feet— we’re back to bondage again. What about that French maid costume from three Halloweens ago you got out that one night to surprise your partner just for kicks? Sexual roleplay! You can even grab some clothes pins out of the laundry room for impromptu nipple clamps. While you’re in the laundry room, grab the clothes line rope too— it’s great for restraint. Even something as simple as a wooden kitchen spoon makes a wonderful paddle.

Whether you’ve used these items in a vanilla setting “once just for fun” or intended to use them for sinister and mysterious (that’s sarcastic) BDSM, you’ve discovered pervertables! Pervertables are common household items repurposed as sexy/kinky accessories. With pervertables you can get your kink on for little to no money. Many of us, vanilla and kinky alike, have used pervertables (think cucumbers or that phallic shaped shampoo bottle that was popular in the 90s. Uh huh. You know you did).

The only piece of gear you must have to practice kink is your mind. They always say the greatest (vanilla) sexual organ is the brain— the same goes for kinky sex. All you really need is your imagination and creativity.

Public play

“BDSM sounds sort of interesting but I just can’t do it. I can’t have sex in front of people or go to kinky parties! Also, I’m in a happy monogamous relationship, I can’t do that with other people—EW! That is just NOT my thing!” Yes, some kinksters do go to parties, play publicly and play with multiple partners even if they are in a committed primary relationship. Those folks are only a small piece of the pie, however.

 There are scores of people who identify as kinky but only share that with their partners. They don’t belong to internet groups, go to parties or shout it from the rooftops. We’re not sure how many of those are out there but I’m willing to bet it’s quite a few. Then add to that the people who are kinky who don’t realize they are (the “I’m into hair pulling, spanking and I occasionally like to go in the bathtub and pee on my partner but I’m not into any of that freaky BDSM stuff or anything” types). See where I’m going with this?

Public players are usually very dedicated to their sexy hobby. They also aren’t afraid to tell everyone about it. These folks have blogs dedicated to kink, join BDSM social groups and websites, they are even the people writing the BDSM books. Just because the public kinksters have the loudest mouths, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are an accurate representation of the entire kinky pie.

Think of public kinksters as the crisscross patterned golden crust everyone sees on the surface of the pie— but what about the hidden sweet filling?

Private BDSM players

Much of that pie filling is comprised of private players. These are your neighbors who like to get their freak on alone in their bedroom once a month when the kids are away on a Cub Scout sleepover. It’s your roommate who told you one night after a few beers they prefer lovers who are rough, commanding and pull on their hair. It might even be you. Many of these pie filling people don’t even realize they are kinky! But how could that be? How can someone not know they are practicing BDSM? Well, namely because there really is no “US and THEM,” a least not in a clear-cut sense. When it comes to vanilla vs. kink activities there’s a huge crossover. Break it down like this, for instance . . .

Are you vanilla or kink?

Vanilla acts = regular intercourse, oral sex, kissing, light touching, giggling, etc.

Kinky acts = spanking, retraining, biting/nibbling, telling someone what to do/doing as told, pain (hair pulling, squeezing, pinching, etc), role-playing, using toys, etc.

Most of us, self identified kinky or vanilla, engage in activities from both categories during play. I’m kinky but I still engage in intercourse, oral sex and pretty much everything from the vanilla list. I can guarantee a large percentage of the vanilla folks dig some of the stuff on the kinky list also.

When it comes to sexual/intimate activities we can’t agree on what is kinky or vanilla. To some, sex toys are kinky but to others, they are commonplace. On which list would you put anal sex? 69? Cumming on someone’s face? Tickling? Calling your partner a “good little whore”? Pinching nipples very hard? It’s all subjective.

The writing of this blog post was inspired by the mental image of a Venn diagram that popped into my head randomly a few nights ago. I’ve drawn it out for you. Forgive me for using Microsoft Paint. Part of my brain still lives in 1997.

On the vanilla side we can include basic activities like kissing, snuggling and missionary position sex with the lights out. The kink side would clearly include some of the more extreme things such as play piercing/blood play, scat and perhaps clown sex.

But again, this is all subjective. I can’t really put electric play in the Kink category because housewives of middle America are currently loving the Jopen Intensity vibrator/kegel exerciser. That toy is marketed to the mainstream but operates based on the same principles as a TENS unit (usually associated with BDSM). These vanilla ladies are receiving the exact same sensation as they would from an insertable BDSM electric device but they’d never guess!

Stop "us" versus "them" 

So what’s the point? Simply, stop playing “Us and Them.” Pointing the finger at others prevents us from experimenting, growing and discovering what we enjoy sexually. It ultimately keeps us from being happy.

If I’m into BDSM and I feel like having a slow, tender, vanilla lovemaking session I should be able to tell my partner I want that without fearing they’ll think I’ve lost my edge. If I’m vanilla and have been longing for my lover yank me by the hair and give my ass a good smack, I should be able to ask for that without being afraid they’ll think I’m a weirdo. It’s not about living up to your self proclaimed label, it’s about doing what feels right.

Homework

Your task: ask your lover to try out that thing you’ve been thinking about but we’re too afraid to bring up for fear they’d think it was out of character for you. You might find it’s easier than you imagined to delve into some of those things you always thought would remain just a fantasy.

Originally posted at Sunny Megatron's blog.

Sunny Megatron is a pleasure advocate, adult sex educator, sex blogger, sexpert, and unintentional superhero. Sunny not only hosts Red Light District Sex Tours for Weird Chicago Tours, she also teaches classes such as: Networking for Kinky People, BDSM 101, and Junk for Your Junk: Sex Toys 101. She is passionate about sex positivity, sex exploration and sex education/safety. The female orgasm is one of Sunny's favorite topics and she has helped hundreds of women have their very first G-spot orgasm.  

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FemDom Series #1: Intro to Forced Feminization

Quick note: Though the title says, "forced" we ONLY do consensual sex. So though it's forceful, it's ALL consensual. As you'll read below, talk plenty before and during domination.

It's Fifty Shades of Grey September here at GetLusty. While the latest trend in erotic literature seems to focus on the male dominant/female submissive duality, there are many more delicious combinations to explore in the vast and varied world of BDSM play. The first in a series, we're talking about female dominance! Allow me to introduce you to the gloriously seductive world of female domination! Female dominance, or more commonly known as "femdom" in the dominant submissive (d/s) community, is where the dominant partner is female, and the submissive is male; a departure from the stereotypical relationship portrayed in the 50 Shades of Grey.

Portia Blush reports.

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Femdom offers so many wonderful facets of play to experience with your partner, and while there is no predetermined menu of activities, there are several that are quite inherent to this special dynamic. My personal favorite of these is forced feminization; where gender play and the art of humiliation are lovingly blended with skill and finesse. This style of domination is unique to this dynamic solely because of the gender bias that exists within our culture that women are the physically and emotionally weaker sex. And while that is a definite negative as far as culture and gender equality goes, it's a huge plus for us ladies in the domain of d/s play.

As with all BDSM play, consent is the key to the sexiness, so keep this in mind as you are reading. Do read sexual negotiation 101 and 6 tips for getting starting with BDSM. A submissive male who is into "forced femme" is craving this kind of treatment. While you may think at first, from the outside looking in, that it's cruel and degrading to emasculate him, you're right, and that's exactly how he wants it! Both the dominant and submissive share a fantasy; the dominant is like the conductor of the symphony, and the submissive, her orchestra.

Now that we've gotten all that serious stuff out of the way, let's talk fun! Forced feminization is just that; fun! Ladies, I cannot emphasize enough the creative potential in this style of play.

From the physical aspects like dressing your submissive up in pretty lingerie and makeup, to the more psychological side of play with name calling and behavior modification, you can have unlimited hours of amusement! Here are a few suggestions for exploring your forced femme play.

#1 Let's play dress up

Dressing your submissive man up in lingerie is good, and the more obnoxiously girly it is, the better! Pick very feminine colors like pinks and purples, and fabrics with lots of frilly ruffles and lace. Or, you can buy some of those panties that say things like "Princess" written in glittery letters across the bottom.

Up the ante on the humiliation factor by taking him shopping, and force him to pick them out, making it obvious to the sales clerk that he's getting them in his size. You can do the same with high heels, makeup, and fun hair accessories. I like to make a list, a very specific list, and force them to shop for it all alone, with me watching from a distance to make sure they do as told. Have a fashion show, and make your new toy show off all his new girly wear! Make sure he walks like a lady, or you'll punish him for his transgressions. Do you have other kinky female friends? Invite them over to watch!

#2 What's in a name?

When you name something, you own it! Give that boy a new name more befitting of his sissified self. You can take his male name and feminize it (Steve = Stevina), or you can call him more impersonal derogatory names like "slut" or "sissyboy". You could always try to find out what his mother would have called him if he had been born a girl, and use that. It adds a little something, don't you think? Honestly, why pick just one? Call that new toy of yours anything you want.

#3 What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine!

Make sure your new sissyboy knows that his body is your property, and therefore yours whenever for the taking. Grope, grab, fondle, and probe him at your whim. Asses him like the piece of meat he is. Buy a good quality strap-on harness and an assortment of dildos, and let the fun begin! Make that sissy get down on his knees and suck your dildo as he gazes appreciatively up into your eyes, and when you're satisfied enough with his performance, turn him around, bend him over, and take him anally (pegging) as he thanks you repeatedly for allowing him the pleasure.

#4 Earning his keep

A clean house is a happy house, so put that sissy to work! Dress him up in whatever is most appealing to you, and have him get to work on that laundry and mopping that kitchen floor.

 Some femdoms work the "sissymaid" aspect in here with a cute maid outfit, but I find that a man wearing a bra, panties, stockings, and a pair of high heels is sufficient enough.

Plus, it allows for easy access to your property, and you just never know when the mood will strike. Does it seem your new toy doesn't understand his place, or is not performing his chores to your liking? I like to make handmade signs to hang around my sissy's neck to entertain myself in this case. "Portia's Dirty Slut" always looks so nice. Not inspiring enough motivation? I find that taking pictures of this whole scenario works perfectly, and always seems to inspire a sissyslut to work harder. I hate having to make them mop my floors twice, wouldn't you?

Try these all tips separately, or combine them for new and exciting adventures! Your imagination is your only limit, and your submissive is just waiting to fulfill your every wish and desire. May your foray into forced feminization bring you both abounding pleasure!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

You have read this article 50 Shades of Gray / bd/sm / BDSM / D/s / Dominance / dominant / Female Domination / FemDom / Forced Feminization / Portia Blush with the title 50 Shades of Gray. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/09/femdom-series-1-intro-to-forced.html. Thanks!

Have You Visited The Pleasure Chest Lately?

The Pleasure Chest is anything but your ordinary sex toyshop; it’s a business on a mission. Now in its 40th year, the store featured on both Sex and the City and Entourage (easily two of the most important shows in advocating sex) aims to both educate and enhance our sexual lives.

Their interest? Offering every customer a specialized experience in a judgment-free environment, as well as huge variety of toys. Another added benefit: they put on a regular series of free workshops to promote healthy, pleasurable and fulfilling sex for everyone.

You want it? They have it. Everything from vibrators to strap-ons to anal beads, The Pleasure Chest caters to both the fellas and the gals. They don’t stop with the sexual accessories to assist in mind-blowing orgasms. The Pleasure Chest is about forging a “sex positive culture.”

Grab any number of their sexual health videos and literature. In case you’re the last person on earth without a copy, you’ll be happy to know that “50 Shades of Grey” is now in stock!

Located right off the Paulina Brown Line in the booming Lakeview area, the Pleasure Chest is both easily accessible and equipped with free parking.


Last minute itch for that special toy to keep your partner screaming with pleasure? Grabbing for that bottle of lube only to find it empty? The hours accommodate the sexual night owls of Chicago, closing at 11pm Mon-Wed and 12am Thurs-Sat.

Visit The Pleasure Chest. They’re guaranteed to have what you want, and probably things you didn’t even know you wanted. With stores in other major markets like NY and LA, this innovative shop will no doubt continue their bi-costal mission in providing sexually satisfying lives.

Thanks to Zimibio.com for their picture of a couple inside a Pleasure Chest store.

This is a guest post by Greg Dorn. Greg is a self-employed day trader who loves writing. He aims to think about sex whenever possible, including a variety of ways to enhance his own love life. If you don't see Greg crunching numbers, you'll find him enjoying the beauty of his wonderful girlfriend around Chicago.

You have read this article 50 Shades of Gray / Businesses / chicago with the title 50 Shades of Gray. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/09/have-you-visited-pleasure-chest-lately.html. Thanks!

Ready to jump from 50 Shades of Grey into BDSM play?

It seems like everyone is reading 50 Shades of Grey these days. Do you think you are ready to leave the fantasy book world and get into some real, authentic BDSM? Maybe you would like to add kink to your "vanilla" monogamous relationship or maybe you would just like to find a dom for your kinky submissive side. Whatever your situation, our kink blogger, Lilly Rose, is here with the facts about 50 Shades of Grey. This was originally posted at her blog, Lilly's Submissive World.

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So you just finished reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and think you are ready to try out some kink like Christian Grey or Anastasia Steele. First things first though. Do you think a wealthy, sexy, Christian Grey type is going to pop up at your door in a Porsche with a NSA disclosure contract for you to sign? Not quite. Although an addictive and steamy read, 50 Shades of Grey has some inaccuracies that don’t quite hold true in the real world of kink. I am officially here to guide you through your romp into BDSM. Here are 10 things that you should know before diving head first into kink.

Don’t hook up with a dom and mistake sex for love.

Please don’t make that hasty assumption. In BDSM it is very important to discuss the dom’s intentions from the very start. Is he looking for a play partner or something with deeper long-term implications? Is he monogamous or does he have many subs he shares time with? Is he polyamorous? Many kinksters do not believe in monogamous love. Make sure you know what you want and what the beliefs of your play partners are. Have open discussions about it. Be honest. People appreciate honesty. In the BDSM world, it is absolutely necessary for safety reasons to be upfront about everything. BDSM is about testing your limits and going beyond the edge. The only way you are going to know if you are ready for kink play is by discussing your hard and soft limits, your safe word or safe action and aftercare. However, if a dom tries to push you into something you are not comfortable with set him straight or move on. There are plenty of doms out there in all shapes and sizes each with their own individual style and with years of experience. Some doms are more impatient with newbies, others love them.

Kinky sex if done properly can be fabulous or can leave scars that last a lifetime on the inside as well as outside of your body. You have to be more careful with kink, as some fetish play can be quite dangerous. Christian Grey was a violent sadist who at times could not control his urges. In BDSM this is a definite "what not to do."  Doms must be in control of their urges at all times. They always have the subs best interest in mind.

Pick your fetishes

Do you like to be teased with a feather? Do you like the idea of being tied up? Do you like to pretend you’re a secretary and you’ve been a bad girl? Do you like the thought of being punished with a spanking? Does watching porn where the girl is being humiliated get you hot? Go you! Those are your fetishes. Embrace them! Now for you doms out there: If you like doing all that, get yourself a girl or boy sub and go to town! There are sites that advertise for subs and doms as well as meetings where you can meet people in your area that are interested in every type of kink fetish play. There are also many different informational blogs and seminars on kink/bdsm. Some are erotica and others are chock full of information and experiences in the scene that can help you. Two awesome sites to check out for beginners in BDSM are: BDSM and Fet Life. Both websites have a comprehensive listing of the different types of fetishes out there and advice articles on how to get started.

Meet your playmates for coffee and see if the chemistry is there

Make it consensual. You don’t have to have your lawyer draw up a legal document like in 50 Shades of Grey. Just sit down with your dom or sub and discuss your hard/soft limits, your safe word, and safe action and aftercare. Write them down on a piece of paper as a list. You can negotiate changes later.

What are your hard and soft limits?

Hard limits are those things you absolutely will not do. Maybe you never ever want permanent scars from play. Soft limits are things that you are not quite sure about. Maybe you might like a little flogging now and then, but you just may not know at the present moment if you are up for it. Pick a safe word. That is the word you utter when you absolutely want the play to end. "No" doesn’t cut it. We say no during sex even when we don’t mean it-especially in kink play. So another word is absolutely necessary to let your dom know when to stop. Lastly, you need a safe action. You never know when you are going to be gagged or your partner decides to put his hand over your mouth. Then you will not be able to say your safe word and you need a safe action.

Discuss aftercare

Aftercare is crucial! Aftercare is your dom play partner checking in on you and making sure you are alright after a scene. This may range from putting ointment on your butt after a paddling, to giving you a bubble bath or just plain cuddling. It is really important that he asks if anything upset you, especially if something made you feel unexpectedly uncomfortable during a scene. Feeling uncomfortable may still occur even with the best planning which is why aftercare is so important.

Unleash your inner goddess

Hurrah for this! Feeling good is the ultimate goal of any kind of BDSM play! If planned well, you can have an orgasm that leaves you in a fabulous trance. Yes, there are subs who are pain junkies and love sadists. They get off on it. If you are that type of person, then more power to you. But as in all sub/dom relationships, trust has to be built before engaging in any kind of intense play. This takes time. You are not going to be jumping into that dungeon right away and being beaten with a belt. That would be foolish for a beginner. Quite frankly, Anastasia in 50 Shades went faster than normal in her entry into kink. Never rush into a relationship with a dom in the BDSM world.

Be safe!

Most importantly, I can’t stress this enough, if you want to try BDSM at any age, be safe. Some BDSM activity involves group play (gang banging), anal play, scat (ingestion of feces), and intercourse—(watch out for germs and diseases) that all involve your share of dangers. So always use a condom and never ever perform anal to mouth or vagina. I know I am going to get a lot of flack for saying that from anal players but there are a lot of infections you can get and that is why it is not recommended by most doctors. As a compromise you can always wash before doing anal to mouth or vagina (keep a sanitizer and wash cloth handy). Any safe kinkster would recommend that. Otherwise, you are pretty much playing a dangerous game of sexual Russian roulette with your life.

Do your research

Want to know how to tie up your girlfriend's breasts with rope? Don’t know what fetish you may like? There are literally hundreds of fetishes sites out there. Some doms and subs can pick and choose off the menu. It is all good, no judgment in the BDSM community. Don’t know if you are straight or gay? No problem, you are pansexual or your sexuality is evolving. The BDSM community is very friendly and open to all types of characters. Welcome to our silly, quirky world where all your kinky desires come true!

Are you a reader?

Believe it or not, 50 Shades of Grey isn't the only book out there. There are much sexier and educational BDSM books that are better suited for learning about this kind of lifestyle. Most doms consider "The Story of O" the bible of BDSM sub training. You may not like everything in it, but it's a quick read, well written and worth downloading or buying. There is a film version of it too if movies are more your style!


Now good luck to all you new Christian Greys and Anastasia Steeles! Remember: do your research, hunt for your mates, and get your adorable bods out there! Be safe and have some fun! If you have any questions you can always visit my site. It is informational as well as steamy and I love to help fellow kinksters.

Lilly Rose is a kink blogger, geeky Ivy League graduate activist and lover of great doms. Find Lily on Twitter @letitlingeron and also check out her blog. Lily also writes for Mindchaotica and Evolvedworld, and her Erotica (fiction and non-fiction) can be found at Literotica.

You have read this article 50 Shades of Gray / BDSM / Lilly Rose with the title 50 Shades of Gray. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/09/ready-to-jump-from-50-shades-of-grey.html. Thanks!