Don't Forget Play: Have Fun Today!

Staying in love with yourself is just as important as loving your partner. That's why during this time of stress, loneliness and heartache during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, we're talking about the importance of play. Through play, we not only have fun, but we feel good about ourselves as well. Enjoying the life you're living in the body you were given. Monica Day is here to talk about the importance of having fun so you can live the best, happy life (which is an important part of having great sex, too).

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My kids just watched the old Tom Hanks movie, Big, over the weekend. The one where he wishes on a carnival fortune-telling machine to be “big” and wakes up in the body of a grown man the next morning.

I wandered through the living room during the scene where he has hot co-worker, Elizabeth Perkins, up to his loft and he’s trying to get her to jump on the trampoline. She’s rolling her eyes, asking for a glass of wine, until finally, he drags her onto it, puffy-skirted evening dress and all. Awkward at first, she makes a few tentative bounces and tries to get down. But he holds her hands, bounces with her, and makes it safe and fun for her to play again. And (big surprise) she also falls in love with him.

The irony of course is that she is a big whig in a toy company. But she had forgotten how to play. And while she had plenty of affairs with men in her company as a way to advance her career, this time her feelings were real. This boy-in-a-man’s-body opened her back up to the fun and innocence of playing. Along the way, the experience unleashed in her genuine passion, imagination and intimacy as well.

Hint: Anyone who is dating these days and trying to follow “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” advice: I say ditch it and find someone you can play and be yourself with! Everything will fall into place from there.

I was re-introduced to the word “play” as an adult when I entered the realm of sensual living. I wasn’t even good at playing as a child…so playing as an adult was an even greater challenge, as I had no memory to draw from for the experience. Then, to connect “play” with intimacy, sensuality and sex...well, that was a pretty big leap.

To me, play was not serious enough. It made me feel small, silly and suggested that I was irresponsible. Growing up, it seemed like adults had all the freedom and fun, and kids just got in trouble. So I was determined to be “big” as well, as early as possible. But that big-ness soon became an abatross around my neck — something I couldn’t get rid of, even when I finally wanted to.

Today, I see just about everything as one form of play or another — play is freedom, innocence and openness. You can even work out issues and have arguments, all within the realm of play (just ask my kids, they do it all the time)! Play is a mindset: players like to keep the game going, rather than having winners and losers, and life is the biggest game going!

So if the idea of bouncing on a trampoline in your evening attire doesn’t appeal to you, it may be time you give it a try. Innocence, freedom, wonder and love might be right around the corner.

Cross-posted with permission from The Sensual Life.

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach.

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website.

You have read this article confidence / emotional / for couples / happiness / marriage / Monica Day / self care / self love / sexy with the title Monica Day. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/11/don-forget-play-have-fun-today.html. Thanks!

Touch-Free Orgasm: My Personal Story

Since it's Orgasm October, we're talking especially about orgasms of all kinds. To be sure, we love orgasms of all kinds (take a clitoral or g-spot orgasm for). Especially, what we've talked about before; hands-free, mental or 'thinking off' orgasms. So let's get personal. Monica Day of the Sensual Life is here to talk about her experience of actually having a hands-free orgasm.

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The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you, but once you see what it is, you’ll know why I had to.

After spending five hours waiting for Pep Boys to fix my blown-out tire and five days of rather intense relating with someone I am in a significant relationship with, I finally got on the road from NYC back to Philadelphia to pull the Mommy portion of my week.

Between the time it took me to get from Long Island City to the Verrazano Bridge, I’d had a full-up orgasm. While driving, no less. And hadn’t put my hands anywhere near my genitals, or any other part of my body for that matter! For a moment, I feared I might still be in the grips of it when I hit the toll booth. And wondered how I would navigate paying the toll while in climax!

After marveling at this phenomenon, and making a phone call to share it with said significant person, I continued along my merry way. Until around exit 7A. Guess what? Yup, another one. Bigger, stronger, longer, and wetter this time. Truly amazed, and with a little embarrassment even, I pull over to change my now uncomfortably wet jeans and catch my breath for a minute.

How did this happen?

Strangely enough, it all started with feelings of jealousy. Someone I have been intimate with for the last two years is now in an intimate relationship with someone else. Just minutes before I got in the car, I learned they had been sexual together the night before.

Now, this isn’t exactly a Tiger Woods kind of event. We have always had an open relationship, and it is more open now than ever. But there were a few wrinkles to the scenario this particular night that made it very tempting to go into a downward spiral of loss, betrayal and jealousy.

So, I’m driving along and tossing it around in my mind. Giving myself space to see how I really feel about it. When suddenly, my body starts having a very different reaction than my mind! I simply can’t hold onto the jealousy. Instead, I start imagining them together. Thinking of what they must do, how it must be between them. Then, I start to imagine myself included, rather than excluded, in the scene. And, well, you already know how the story ends.

Of course, I’m tempted to keep all this to myself. It seems, even for me, somehow too private and odd to share in this forum. And yet, I can’t help thinking there is potential for a serious revolution in relating to grow out of this odd little road trip of mine.

Have you had an 'interesting' or surprise orgasm? Our editors would love to hear from you! E-mail us at editorial@getlusty.com! Are you a writer? We'd love to feature you on GetLusty for Couples. Write for GetLusty!

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach. She's been active in sex education and conseling for

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website.

You have read this article for couples / for men / for women / foreplay / mental orgasm / Monica Day / Orgasm / orgasm control / Orgasm October with the title Monica Day. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/10/touch-free-orgasm-my-personal-story.html. Thanks!

What Happens When She Can't Orgasm?

Do you ever leave a sexual experience feeling frustrated? Wondering why you did it in the first place? You didn't orgasm, but he did. And usually, you wouldn't mind. But you couldn't communicate that you wanted to cum so you left frustrated and angry instead. We've been there. We get it. But what about when it gets to be a regular occurrence? Monica Day, of the Sensual Life, reports on how she recommended a solution for a friend with a similar problem.

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A friend recently wrote me about a delicate matter. His new girlfriend is going through a lot of changes – both personally and physically. She's suddenly having a hard time climaxing when they have sex. Because this friend was once a lover, I happen to know he has the best oral technique I have ever encountered. So he is accustomed to leaving his lovers incredibly satisfied, not frustrated.

Needless to say, neither of them is happy with this new development. And I could tell, the pressure was mounting for each of them. Possibly between them, as a result. I am not sure if this is true for men, but I know it happens for women. When we go through big emotional or physical changes (stress? weight gain? childbirth?), our orgasm also changes. We might go through the same motions, get to the same place where we usually go over. Then we stall.

And like men, we panic a little. We think of all the articles we’ve read lately on “female sexual dysfunction” and wonder if we have that. And then, depending on our age, we wonder if this is a sign of menopause. And then, oh right, you’re still working away between our legs. You get the picture.

Most of us expect our orgasm to be right where we left it last. But it’s not unusual to experience changes in our orgasm over time. And it’s not a bad thing, either. Our sexual fluidity, the dance between our genitals and our brain chemistry, keeps our intimate lives vibrant and interesting. If we let it.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where everything is about performance and achievement. Even sex. Especially sex. And we are generally co-dependent when it comes to orgasm – both men and women. We see it as our “job” to “make” the other person come, and view ourselves as having failed if we don’t. But your orgasm doesn’t play by those rules. It doesn’t respond to pressure or rules or the ticking clock. It doesn’t care that you “always” came that way and now you can’t. Or that you used to like something and now you don’t.

Your orgasm is not beholden to a past or bound to a future. It lives only in the present moment. From one stroke, one touch, to the next. It lives in the realm of curiosity, not predictability. Even with the same lover for years and years, your orgasm will present surprises. Little twists and turns to navigate.

From a writer’s perspective, I would say to view your orgasm more as a verb, than a noun. Never assume it will be waiting for you where you last put it down. Expect to play a game of seek-and-find every time you enter intimate territory. When you can greet the body (and mind) of your lover with curiosity instead of expectation, you open up a whole new world together. Become tourists instead of townies with one another. Give each other directions, don’t assume they know the way. Don’t assume you know the way. But rather, make the exploration, instead of the orgasm, the goal.

You’ll find yourself in places you never knew existed. With someone you never met. Having experiences that far exceed your wildest imagination. And you’ll have a hard time remembering what you were so worried about in the first place.

Lovingly cross-posted from the Sensual Life blog.

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach.

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website, www.thesensuallife.com.

You have read this article Communication / emotional / for couples / for men / for women / marriage / Monica Day / monogamy / Negotiation / Orgasm / sexual adventures / sexual health / Sexuality with the title Monica Day. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/10/what-happens-when-she-can-orgasm.html. Thanks!