Best of 2012! Blowjob 101: Ten Tips for His Best Orgasm (NSFW)

Dick & Dildo December is over but Jizz January is here! We love oral sex, both giving it and receiving it. It is one of the most intimate experiences a couple can share together. Pleasing our partner is an amazing physical way to become that much closer. We have already featured articles on things you should not to do mid-blowjob, parts one and two. Camille Crimson, for example, talked about her favorite blowjob tips. Follow Camille's wonderful article, But what other things we should be doing while engaging in the blowjob? Since we have had great response to our cunnilingus 101 article, we thought it was about time we wrote a an article on the, blowjob 101. Here are our ten tips for giving an amazing blowjob! GetLusty's Lora Swarts reports.

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I am sure you have heard it before, "Sex is a lot like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty good." Men love oral sex and no matter what, when you are going down on him, he is in absolute heaven. Women? We need a little more than some mediocre pizza. So, if you really want to blow past his expectations and give him the best pizza he has ever had, read these ten tips on how to give a great blowjob! Sure oral sex is different for everyone, and that is why consent and communication are the only ways to know what he wants and what makes him feel good! Without further adieu....

Get accustomed with the penis anatomy 

Sure a penis is not as intricate as a vagina. But we think it's important to still educate ourselves on the penis anatomy so you know just what's going on!

Just like women, men don't always groom the hair down there. So don't feel grossed out or deny oral pleasure because your guy has a little pubic hair- hair is natural. What else is natural? Odor. You should never make someone feel bad for any kind of smell that is happening below the belt, because well, that is just rude and doesn't turn anyone on.

Making someone feel confident is the best kind of foreplay. If it is an issue though, mention you want to shower together pre-sex. It is not only a great way to bond and feel intimate, but you will feel clean and more willing to go down on each other. Now that that's over, let us move on to the anatomy. A human penis is the external sexual organ of a male. Now it certainly has more parts internally than externally, but unlike a vagina, we only focus for the most part, on the outer parts. The penis consists of the scrotum, glans (head) of the penis, shaft (corpus cavernosa and corpus spongisum), testes and urethral opening and foreskin. Now that we know what's going on down there, lets move on to the fun part! The actual blowjob! Here are our ten tips for giving great head.

#1 Eye contact 


Once and awhile, gaze up at your guy. There is nothing sexier then looking into each other's eyes as your mouth is wrapped around his penis. Hold his gaze for just a little bit, then return to focusing on the job at hand.

Always use this eye contact moment to see how he is doing. Listen for his moans, or watch his facial expressions. If something doesn't seem to be working for him, communicate.

#2 Use your hands! 

Sure it's a blow job, but your hands always make them better! Make an "o" shape with your hand and wrap it around his shaft. As you bob up and down his penis, your hand will act as though you are taking him all in at once! Plus the mixture of a hand job and blow job gives him different and pleasurable sensations.

#3 Lick him like an ice cream cone

I am sure this is a pretty self-explanatory tip. Keep your tongue flat and lick his penis from the base to the tip slowly like it's melting ice cream. Not only does this just look sexy, but it feels damn good for him too!  

#4  Play with his balls 

Since we just mentioned licking him like an ice cream cone, why not talk about the nuts that usually accompany the ice cream split? Licking his balls and gently sucking on them provide an amazing feeling. Gently stroke and lick by taking one ball in your mouth at a time and using your tongue to play with it. Then move on to the next ball.

#5 Pace yourself

Pacing is important in making a blowjob not only feel great, but it also keeps him on edge, anticipating the finale. Instead of having a constant rhythm bobbing up and down, try this! Bob up and down slowly five times. Then mix it up with three slow, two fast bobs. Mixing up your speed and pace helps with the anticipation- which is key to amazing oral.

#6 Tongue action 


Use your tongue and swirl it in circles around the tip/head of his penis. Then, go in the opposite direction. He will definitely gasp and moan since this area is super sensitive.

#7 Suction

Create a suction action, popping his penis in and out of your mouth. Place the back of your tongue on the roof of your mouth and then with his penis in your mouth, slide your tongue backward. It is like you're vacuuming his dick, in a pleasant way of course. Picture sucking on your thumb as a kid and his penis is your thumb. Some men are very sensitive however, so ask him to suck on your finger first, to show you how he intense he wants the suction to be.

#8 Explore

Depending on your guy, exploration can be really hot. Maybe play with his butt hole with your fingers.   Explore his scrotum territory. The scrotum is located behind the penis, and is the sac (pouch) that contains the testes, blood vessels and part of the spermatic cord. Lick his scrotum as you move your hand up and down his shaft. He will feel an ultimate wow sensation. Once you are ready for his cock again, guide your tongue up the underside of his penis and hear him moan as your suck his head back into your mouth.

#9 Play with yourself too

Sure giving a blowjob is all about well, his penis. But guess what? When you moan, groan and get turned on, he gets harder! So if you have a free hand, go ahead and start playing with yourself too. Don't forget to gaze up at him when you are sucking on his dick and playing with your clit. He will have trouble containing himself seeing you as excited as you are!

#10 Swallow?  

If you don't mind swallowing, do it! Or if swallowing isn't your thing, request that you want him to come all over your stomach, in between your breasts or on your face.

See what he wants and let him release however he wants (but we recommend either talking it out first or sensually talking about it throughout the process). That'll make his orgasm all the more wild!

Blowjobs shouldn't be intimidating and should just be fun. Communicate effectively and use some of these tips to make your blowjobs that much better. He will surely love to reciprocate back to you. And if he does, mention our cunnilingus 101 article for tips.

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing and editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

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Best of 2012! 5 Health Benefits of Orgasm

Since we got lots of love for this article, we're including it as a 2012 favorite!

Big, small, earth shattering: we love them all. I am talking about orgasms of course! Though Orgasm October is over, our whole team is thinking about orgasms. They make us feel amazing, relaxed, re-energized, happy, and sexy. Everyone loves an orgasm! Who doesn't? But, besides those awesome things, orgasms also have some great health benefits. Not only do they feel amazing but here are some ways they improve our health! Our Crimson Love reports.

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Like you ever needed an excuse to want an orgasm? Well, now you do. Below are 5 reasons you must be having orgasms regularly. Whether it's with a partner or alone, orgasms are an excellent way to touch yourself or sex yourself healthy. Anyway you spin it, orgasms are great!

Without adieu, the 5 health benefits of orgasm:

#1 Heart health

When your man cums, take it! Swallowing semen is not only good for your teeth but it is also good for your heart. Semen helps keeps plaque levels low and rigorous sex is also a great cardio workout. Have more sex and more orgasms because it helps keep your heart strong and your teeth healthy.


#2 Stress relief 

Ever notice how when you have that big "O" it feels like everything else that stresses you out just melts away? It's because of the chemicals that your brain releases, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. They all give you happy, loving feelings. Sex for your stress, anyone?  

#3 Pain relief 

OK, so admittedly, we did just write an article about how sex can be painful. We hope this isn't the case. If you are experiencing pain in sex, do check out that article. However, if you're experiencing pain in different areas of your body, orgasm can really alleviate that pain.

How? Orgasm works similarly to stress relief when oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are released in the body. When these chemicals are released, they increase your tolerance to pain. So, that headache that you have can feel a little better after a nice romp. No more excuses.

#4 Orgasms fight cancer

Regular sexual activity is good for your sexual organs. Regular ejaculation helps keep prostate cancer away. Similarly, regular sexual activity and orgasm is good for the vagina because it helps to keep different uterine conditions at bay. Have more sex to keep your sexual organs healthy!

#5 Better sleep 

After your orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of amazing chemicals. One of them is endorphins which not only makes you feel happy but can also have the effect of a sedative. More sex and orgasms for better sleep? Yes, please!

Having orgasms does wonders for the body and for your overall health. So, go ahead have some more.

With love from, GetLusty!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com. 

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Problem Ejaculating? Dr. Dick Answers!

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS also known as Dr. Dick. GetLusty loves Dr. Dick! He has been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years. Today, he is here to answer a reader's question about why a man may not be ejaculating during sex, but can ejaculate while masturbating alone.

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Dear Dr. Dick,

We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25 year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.

"I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex. My first time (age 18) my then girlfriend and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards, but now I can’t even do that. However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?

I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Sincerely,
Dan & Rebecca

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Dear Dan & Rebecca,

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psycho-sexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head, or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant. If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety. Here’s how this nasty thing works.

Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye until that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain. I then bring my anxiety to my next encounter.

My hyper self-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m all prepared to interpret the disappointment as a failure.

Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid partnered sex and my relationship flounders, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive.

My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity. It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle. Get yourself to a sex-positive therapist ASAP! Believe me, this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age.

When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psycho-sexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

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Why Male Orgasm is Different From Ejaculation (NSFW)

Orgasm October is over and Naked November has come and past. Now, Dick & Dildo December is in full swing! We posted some time ago about how to have multiple orgasms for men that raised a good question among our readers. Specifically, one reader noted [of the article], "Seems they just redefine what an orgasm is for men, and go on just to talk about control." Actually, no. Ejaculation and orgasm aren't the same. Today, we're talking about how they're different.

Brendan debunks any misconceptions you appreciated readers may have about about male orgasms and ejaculation! With lots of research, we have some answers to your perplexing question. This is just part two in our series of the male orgasm, so stay tuned for more articles to come. GetLusty's Brendan White reports.  

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For many men, orgasms and ejaculation are inextricably combined because ejaculation and orgasms seem to happen at the same time.  While this is the often the case, ejaculation and orgasms don't necessarily have to happen at the same time - and don't with a great deal of men.  Both words refer to two separate events that have some associated causes and effects.  Think of a Venn diagram - there are aspects of each category that are mutual and aspects that are completely separate.   

Fleshing out the difference

Before we can dive headlong into the nitty gritty details of male orgasms and ejaculation, it's critical to define the two terms.  The exact definition of an orgasm is heavily contested.  Some clinical definitions are limited to physiology while others extend into the realms of psychology and neurology.  There are rigid definitions that see an orgasm as predominantly physiological: muscular contractions involved during sexual activity, along with changes in heart rate, blood pressure and other factors.  I've also encountered sources that claim orgasms are completely mental while ejaculation is the physical end of things.  While nicely compartmentalizing the two terms, this claim is false!

Orgasm

I believe the most useful definition of an orgasm is somewhere out there in orgasm no-man's land - as a mental state, as a series of physiological and also neurological events.  During an orgasm, brain waves change and certain hormones are released.  Scientific American reports: "Achieving orgasm, brain imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. 

It requires a release of inhibitions engineered by shutdown of the brain’s center of vigilance in both sexes and a widespread neural power failure in females."  Orgasms are controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which operates below the level of consciousness and is responsible for other things like heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, sexual arousal, and more.  This system, when stimulated enough, triggers an orgasm, which in turn queues ejaculation.

Ejaculation

The definition of ejaculation, on the other hand, is far less ambiguous.  Ejaculation is the strictly physical process of ejecting semen from the male reproductory tract.  If you're still skeptical consider this: some men ejaculate before orgasms, some after.  Some men may not ejaculate at all when they orgasm.  It is not uncommon for orgasms from prostate stimulation to be dry and ejaculate-less.  There are also retrograde ejaculations which occur when semen is redirected to the urinary bladder.  Retrograde ejaculations can be one symptom of a larger medical problem so if you think you are having retrograde ejaculations, do yourself a favor and talk to your doctor.

Conclusion

So lets go over what we uncovered today!  Orgasms are total body responses while ejaculations are more isolated physical events.  While the two can in some cases be mutually exclusive, typically an ejaculation follows an orgasm.   Don't be confused - they are different from each other!  Don't you let anyone tell you differently, just point them to GetLusty for Couples for some proper sex indoctrination.

This is an article by our newly titled Business Outreach intern, Brendan White. Brendan is a Boston University graduate with a passion for all things historical and also all things sex. A recent Boston transplant to Chicago, Brendan has a musical mind and at one point toured the country. When he's not thinking about conquering feudal Japan, chances are he's playing loud Rock N' Roll somewhere with other like minded individuals. When he is not thinking about GetLusty, he's spending time with his exceptionally lovely girlfriend.

 Want to get in touch with Brendan? E-mail him at Brendan@getlusty.com.

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His 10 Erogenous Zones You Should Know

We all have those places where we love being touched. Those places where, if your man touches you, it send chills running down your back. Those are your erogenous zones! You get goose bumps and makes you, dare I say, moist. Your man has those special spots, too. Want to start of your sexual session a little slower? Touch, massage or gently rub these erogenous zones! It makes your sexual experience longer and more wonderful to say the least. Our Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Neck & shoulders

Men love to have their necks kissed, licked, sucked, touched and rubbed. Why? The skin on the neck, collar bone and the back of the neck are very sensitive. The neck is most definitely an erogenous zone. The lightest touch can awaken his body and his sexual desires. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, the neck is an excellent place to start in making him beg for your love.

#2 Fingers

Surprised? Don't be! The fingers, especially the finger tips, have a high sensitivity due to a high concentration of nerves. Next time you're feeling frisky, take your mans hand, nibble on his finger tips, let your teeth graze the pads of his fingers, gently lick them and see where it gets you.

#3 Inner thighs

The inner thigh, even though it tends to be a bit fleshy will have him at your mercy. Light butterfly kisses, soft caresses and licks will have him pitching a tent with some premium wood in no time. Though his inner thighs might be slightly hairy, they're still super sensitive and even a bit ticklish.

#4 Tailbone/spine

Oh yes, ladies. Take in all of the delicious soft moans your man will make when you release your touches and caresses on his lower back. The spine and tail bone are composed of bundles of nerves and when lightly caressed, licked, or kissed will send pleasure coursing through your mans' body.

#5 Lips

Yes this is obvious but let's not neglect it. Your man needs and loves to be kissed. The Lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. Do you ever pay close attention to your man when you kiss him? Next time pay really close attention to how his body reacts and you will realize that that kiss does more than just make his lips moist. Nibble, suck, lick and bite away!

#6 Abdomen

You know how good it feels when you rub your tummy? Well imagine how good it feels to your man when you kiss, lick and nibble his. It's a very sensitive area, especially when your move lower towards the groin. Starting at the top and working your way to the bottom. By the time you meet his dick, he may already even be hard. But no rush, it's not about his dick right now. Waiting to great his genitals makes it all the more loving and intimate.

#7 Ears

Why are ears erogenous? The outer ear contains thousands of nerve endings, many of them concentrated on the ear lobe. For this reason, the ear is an erogenous zone for many people. Want to get sexy? Try this move on for size! While you're sitting and watching a movie or TV, caress and massage his ears or nibble and lick them. This will not only relax him, but get him in the mood for some serious play time.

#8 Forearms 

Why you ask? Think about the last time you got goosebumps? You felt them especially on the hairs of your arms. Massaging or just touching gently this forearm area will get that same effect. Want to try it out? Gently rub the softer skin on the underside of his arm. He may even get goosebumps and chills, not to mention it sends clear messages of your "loving" intentions.

#9 Mind

You can metaphorically connect with your partner with your amazing intelligence and wit! The brain is the largest sex organ and most multifunctional. Play a sexy game with your partner all day, sending naughty text messages and e-mails. When you get home that night have something sexy and surprising prepared, you will be sure to blow his mind!

#10 Scalp/ head

If your man is in the shower, offer to wash his hair and massage his scalp for him. I guarantee your naked body won't be the only thing he is standing at attention for. There are even certain ways to massage his head before, during or after sex. What? You're massaging him after sex!? You're such a good lover! That will definitely earn you brownie points.

This is a guest post by GetLusty staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert with years of experience 'in the scene'. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com. 

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3 Tips for Lovingly Playing With His Balls

We don't write frequently on testicles. They always seem to get left out. There's prostate play and pegging and our friend Charlie Glickman talks about prostate play. Although Camille Crimson noted testicle play in her blowjob recommendations. However, we haven't spoken about playing with your mans' balls. So Tommy Allen, our favorite happily married husband, is here to talk about why you might want to play with his balls more often. 

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Ball squeezing is so misunderstood. I'm sure some men have a very sensitive scrotum and their partner can tell when too much pressure is applied. For example, listen for the loud wail. But you'll be pleasantly surprised just how hard you can squeeze those begging balls when passion has consumed him.

The cupped hand of a loving partner around the family jewels is one of the most sensual things a guy can experience. A partner who is willing to hold your precious pearls in her hand and knead them gently is very special indeed. I'm talking about kneading like with bread. Gently. But when she knows what to do and how far she can go and how hard she can squeeze, it can be explosive.

Too much too soon can be painful, but just the right amount of pressure at the right time can be wonderful. My recommendations:

#1 Start very gently

Be sure you start softly and continue to become more aggressive - up until the point he pulls away. Pain can be erotic, in small bits. It can be a mood killer if you give too much before he's ready. He may have extremely sensitive testicles or not so much. First understanding his responses will let you know how gently (or more aggressive) you can massage his crown jewels.

#2 Start with one

You can embrace his entire ball sack is in your hand therefore spreading the pressure over a wider area. Or try kneading ONE ball between your fingers. Too much concentrated pressure and he will surely let you know. But by having his testicles in your hand you can apply gently increasing pressure as his pleasure escalates.

#3 Gradually add pressure

Once the mood has swung into high gear imagine yourself as his sexual master and in control of his whole being with only his balls in your hand. You can squeeze and squeeze hard to elicit response. At this point you can make him grimace in pain, as long as you keep the juices flowing. Add pressure, then release and rub his dick. The enjoyment of your hand on his dick quickly diminishes the pain in his balls.

There are few times a man enjoys waking up with sore and bruised balls. One of those is the morning-after having his balls worked over by an overzealous partner having her way with him. The guy thinks how sore his tesitcles are, then a smile comes over his face as he remembers those hands that were squeezing them only hours ago. The pleasure lingers with the pain.

Sometimes you ladies think of guy's balls the way men think of breasts - something to touch once, touch twice, and then go for gold. Men should savor and enjoy the breasts like fine wine and you girls should feast on those precious hanging nuts during the entire meal, not just as an appetizer.

When we heard from Tommy, we were very excited. He's still very much in love with his wife of over 3 decades. And he wants to share his successful skills! 

Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife has 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived, loved, loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years. Check out his blog at www.bedroombootcamps.com

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Faking Orgasms? Why & Why Not

Faking an orgasm. Is it ever OK, beneficial and positive? On an editorial note, I'm biased. I believe you should never fake an orgasm. But rather than explain in my own opinion, we'll let Bethany Kibblesmith explain the pro's and con's of faking an orgasm.

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If you’ve ever picked up a “woman’s magazine”, talked sex with a close friend, or seen an episode of “Sex and the City” or "When Harry Met Sally", faking orgasms has likely come up. Magazines often poll their readers often about this, and overwhelmingly readers respond yes. Yes, they’ve faked an orgasm before. In fact, check out the classic scene below detailing Meg Ryan's take on faking orgasms. Meg notes it's the partner who either confirms or denies the fake orgasm.

Rather than talking about a partner's view, we're talking about the person who's faking the orgasm. Now, I have a really strong bias on this issue. I won’t hide how my opinion lies on this one, but I want to fairly present the pros and cons of faking your climax, because this is a complicated issue. There are two sides to the question of faking it, and both should be equally explored.

For the most part, people fall on the side against faking it, but there are pros to stretching your sexual truth. Fake orgasms can do wonders psychologically. You can psyche yourself into an O by pretending you’re actually having one. It can also act as positive feedback for your partner, who can often feel inadequate or unattractive if you have reoccurring difficulty climaxing.

Pro's


Likely, sex does feel good, and by vocalizing in response to the pleasurable stimuli. You’re telling your partner that sex is feeling awesome, and that you value his or her efforts.

It says you are truly enjoying your shared sexual activities, even if the big O is less than genuine. Just because the ending was fake doesn’t make the moans, bites or other sexy responses you have during foreplay and intercourse any less genuine. The orgasm is undeniably part of sex, but that doesn’t lessen the delicious other parts of sex. A fake orgasm can also signal a more natural seeming ending to your sex-having.

Faking your orgasm may also seem like the nicer thing to do. Maybe your sex is hampered by a chaotic, stressful aspect of your life, unrelated to your partner’s actions and your reception of them. Maybe faking it until life calms down and climax comes naturally seems like the best way to get through a rough patch in an otherwise smoking hot sex life. It’s also possible you’re just not feeling especially sexual lately, and while sex feels good, climax isn’t in the cards. It’s no one’s fault, and we’ve all likely been there before.

Con's

This is where the downsides come in. By faking your climax, you aren’t facing or alleviating your difficulties in reaching orgasm. By giving your partner false feedback, you’re putting all kinds of roadblocks in your way. Choosing to fake it is like choosing to give your partner sexual silent treatment. It’s keeping a very important piece of information from the only other person involved in the problem you’re having.

Without communicating the difficulties you’re having, you’re depriving your partner of the opportunity to help you. It also robs you of the chance to learn more about each other sexually, what you like and what feels good to do together. Maybe clitoral stimulation, longer foreplay, a different position or series of position would give you the boost you need to reach orgasm. Your partner can’t read your mind, and faking your orgasm will never improve whatever is preventing you from climaxing.

The other half of my bias against faking it is this: dishonesty is dishonesty, no matter how or why you’re being dishonest.

For me, a fake orgasm is like lying to your partner. It’s hard to say something that will disappoint or hurt your partner, but imagine if you continued having climaxing trouble and come clean after weeks or months. I think you can imagine that’s likely a shitty feeling. If you aren’t communicating your feelings, nothing will get better.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.  

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

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Do Men Fake Orgasms?

Do men fake orgasms? The stereotype is that men (young men especially) can come whenever and wherever they want. But what about those time when an orgasm just will not come? Be it too much alcohol, the side effect of medication, or just plain stress, there are times when even men experience the frustration all women are familiar with: sometimes an orgasm is just not going to happen. When this happens do men fake orgasms or just simply stop having sex? Our newest featured writer, Georgia Knapp, is here to talk about men. Do they fake orgasms? How can we deal with it instead of ignoring it for a better sexual relationship? Read on!

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Is it even possible for a man to fake an orgasm? In short: yes. Men do fake orgasms. A 2010 survey issued by AskMen.com revealed that 30% of male readers had faked an orgasm. When performing a Google search on “do men fake orgasms?” a How To article was found, instructing men on the perfect way to fake their orgasmic finish (note: it is more believable when wearing a condom).

When interviewing male friends, nearly all said that they had “definitely” faked an orgasm with their partner. The one who said he never faked an orgasm stated that when he could not ejaculate he just admitted this to his partner – as long as the woman was happy, he was happy! Although the reasons for each delayed ejaculation (DE) varies from man to man, the reason for each fake out remains constant: to not wound their partner’s pride. The frequency of fake ejaculations in relationships vs casual hook-ups seems to be split down the middle. Some men said that they feel more pressure to please their girlfriend/wife and therefore have faked an orgasm many times so that their partner, “does not feel like she did anything wrong.” Other guys stated that they have pretended to come more often with a casual hook-up because they, “don’t care as much.”

So is it the lack of attraction or emotional connection to one’s partner that inhibits men from ejaculating? The general consensus is ‘no’. Instead it is the frequency of sex in a single day, stress, and alcohol that has a greater effect. One man even stated, “Even if the sex is awful, you can still come.”

An orgasm is the “sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension...resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure.” It is a part of the autonomic nervous system (or visceral/involuntary nervous system), which functions primarily below the level of consciousness. In short, the inability to orgasm is the old “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, but for real. Although anorgasmia (the inability to have an orgasm) is significantly more common in women than in men, doctors have noticed an increase in DE over the past several years. Much of this is can be related to stress from the economy, unemployment rates, and the increase of porn. DE can also be the result of medication or poor health.

So which is worse: for a man to fake an orgasm or a woman? Society teaches us that men can ejaculate so easily that for them to not have an orgasm during sex must mean something is drastically wrong. The reality is, it’s not that big of a deal. Sometimes men just cannot come no matter how much they may want to. This is not a reaction to the quality of the sex, partner, or the relationship. Sometimes, just like with women, a man’s visceral nervous system just says, “Sorry, buddy, not tonight.”

Our next articles will cover more areas on why you shouldn't fake orgasm, ladies and gents. We'll also cover what to do when you learn they've faked it. How do you talk about your orgasm in an open environment? Suffice to say, we recommend talking before, during and after sex. Communication is key for successful sexual relationships.

Stay in love, stay in touch!

Georgia Laso is another awesome writer from GetLusty for Couples. Georgia is a Southern lady whose sweet demeanor helps people open up to her about all their sexual escapades, fantasies, and charades. She is a self-proclaimed theatre nerd and is excited to talk to anybody and everybody about all that Chicago’s theater scene has to offer. A recent graduate from a small Liberal Arts college, Georgia is thrilled to be one of the latest members added to GetLusty for Couples’s team!

Want to get in touch with her? Get in touch with her at editorial@getlusty.com.

You have read this article for couples / for men / for women / foreplay / georgia knapp / Orgasm / Orgasm October with the title Orgasm. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/do-men-fake-orgasms.html. Thanks!