Are Stay-at-Home Dads More Likely to Cheat?

There's a cultural shift happening in much of the world – stay at home dads. Their numbers grow as the line between gender roles begins to blur. It's not happening everywhere, obviously. There seems to be patches of these "Mr. Mom" communities throughout the world, and are predominantly liberal minded. Without stereotyping political views, there are some men unwilling to give up their "traditional" views on the role of men, and they are not reacting well to this cultural change. Vicki Larson takes an in-depth look into the world of stay-at-home dads.

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When GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, touted mothers as the ones who “really hold the country together,” at the convention last week, she touched a nerve for a lot of us, and not in a good way.

Not only did women who are choosing to be childfree wonder where they stand in mattering to their country, but stay-at-home dads (SAHD) were equally pissed. As Mega SAHD blogger Mark Greene wrote for the Good Men Project, “We modern dads are not the stereotypical disengaged working men of fifty years ago who dismissed the work that mothers do. We do this work too, and we know it can be an ass-whipping.”

You bet today’s men aren’t like our dads were! There are more hands-on dads than ever before; some 1.8 million are single dads and 154,000 men are stay-at-home dads, according to recent Census figures, which means more men are “holding the country together” — or at least their family!

As Canada Research Chair in Gender, Work and Care and Brock University sociology professor Andrea Doucet writes in an article for Ottawacitizen.com, there were 60,875 Canadian stay-at-home dads in 2011.

These numbers indicate a three-fold increase since 1986, they also belittle the numbers of fathers who provide much of the daily care for children.

If you don't think that's a lot, keep in mind that this census excluded secondary, irregular, flexible, or part-time earners; part-time students; work-at-home dads (WAHD); unemployed job-seekers, the underemployed, and discouraged workers. Moreover, statistics that follow only husband-wife families exclude a growing number of single, divorced, and gay fathers.

But the question that needs to be asked is how many of those SAHDs actively chose that role and how many were forced into it by the economic recession.

After all our talk about the “new dad”, we still expect men to be the provider, although that is proving harder and harder for men in this economy. As journalist Hanna Rosin writes in “Who Wears the Pants in This Economy?”:

“It used to be that in working-class America, men earned significantly more than women. Now in that segment of the population, the gap between men and women is shrinking faster than in any other, according to June Carbone, an author of Red Families v. Blue Families. . . As the economy fails to fully recover, it’s unclear what will happen to traditionally male or female jobs, generally."

So what does that mean? Certainly, we should be celebrating more men being the hands-on caregivers, right? Not so fast!

According to Christin Munsch, a postdoctoral research fellow at Stanford’s Michelle R. Clayman Institute for Gender Research, the more economically dependent a man is on his wife, the more likely he is to cheat.

Munsch is among those contributing to a growing body of research on threats to masculinity, and is working on a book, Man Up: Masculinity Threat and Compensation in Young American Men. According to her research, Some men who experience threats to their gender identity overcompensate by resorting to booze and drugs, engaging in risk-taking behavior, become sexually aggressive, and express anger and aggression. And yes — they’re more likely to have an affair.

In an email exchange, I asked Munsch if we’re liable to see more cheating men as the numbers of SAHDs increase. "Probably," she notes. For men who “voluntarily, happily left the labor market to stay at home, they would not experience it as threatening to their masculinity or feel the need to compensate in response.”

But, she adds, “if more men are staying at home out of necessity, for example because of of job loss during times of economic downtown, then according to the theory they would be more likely to cheat.”

Well, great.

Of course, working women have many more opportunities to cheat (and are acting on it).

This article was originally posted on omgchronicles.

Editor's note: We all know why men might feel emasculated by being the stay-at-home dad – they were raised by a generation who still hang onto that macho, bringing-home-the-bacon mentality. Many men are changing the culture of masculinity, but others aren't ready for that yet.

For all the stay-at-home dads out there, you are doing your fatherly duty. You are providing for your family by taking care of it. We live in a society where our character is measured by income and wealth. Your masculinity can't be counted in dollars or hours of work. Man the stove, protect your children, be men, and be proud to be a stay-at-home dad.

Vicki Larson is a longtime journalist, writer, editor and freelancer whose work can be found in numerous places - websites, magazines, books, newspapers and now at GetLusty.com!

Vicki is a divorced co-parenting mother of two wonderful and tall sons.  She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and spends her time hiking or biking around when not behind her desk at the Marin Independent Journal, writing for numerous columns: Single Edition, Mommy Tracked, Huffington Post, ModernMom, and The Working Chronicles.

She is co-writing a book, "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Cynics, Commitaphobes and Connubial DIYers" - a cutting-edge book challenging our one-size-fits-all, till-death-do-we-part version of marriage while offering a new model for who we are today.  She is a ravenous observer of people and explorer of places and reader of things and loves to write and share her findings about marriage, society, children - life.

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10 Ways Sex Changes After Kids

At Get Lusty for Couples, we care about all couples and that's why we wanted to bring up the topic of couples with children. We know it can be a tough process to try and raise a family and keep a spicy love life going. However, it is possible and can even change and grow your love life in unexpected ways! A pat on the back to all the parents out there, but don't forget to spread the love with your significant other every chance you get. Eileen Prouffe, a loving wife and mom of three, will talk about the good and the bad of how to keep a lusty relationship going as parents. 

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It's no secret that it can be hard to maintain and nurture a happy and healthy sex life, but add children to the mix and things can get even harder. So below are ten ways sex changes after having children--the good, the bad, and even ways you can get better! Read on.

#1 Finding a place to "do it"

It's hard to be intimate when children are around all the time, but don't be afraid to show love in front of them. It's healthy for children to see their parents happy and in love. If you really are in the mood to get down and dirty then move the kids bedtime a little earlier so you can have more time alone. Don't forget; a happy couple equals a happy family.

#2 Having energy to "do it" 

Sometimes when couples are juggling so much like work, household chores, bills, etc. Having enough energy to perform more physical movements can be difficult, but not impossible. Try to make sure you are both getting enough rest every day and also try turning off the t.v. earlier so you can enjoy each other instead of other people. Give that person by your side most of your attention; they deserve it and so do you.

#3  Negative body image

Pregnancy, stress and weight gain can lead couples to feel less sexy about their bodies which may cause each other to feel a little embarrassed about getting naked and having a passionate moment.  There are two solutions to this problem, and one of them is to get over it (get naked and feel good about it) and just have a good time. It is Naked November after all. More often than not, your partner is not obsessing over your imperfections. If they love you, then they will accept you for who are and who you have become.  Secondly, if body image really is an issue or your partner could lose a few pounds for health reasons, then get your groove on in the bedroom and burn some calories together.

#4 Time factors

Some couples really do want to spend more time together, but really aren't able to due to conflicting work schedules, school or extra curricular activities. This is where couples need to decide what is most important. Some couples look for new jobs with better work hours so they can have time for their loved ones, but that's not always an option. Sometimes it's better for a partner to drop one or two of their activities, or at least invite their partner to join them. This way, they can have a romantic time while doing it. For example, some couples may play a sport together like basketball and they make the effort to fondle each other during the game.  Dating your significant other is essential and definitely improves your relationship.

#5 Loss of interest

Over time, couples can lose interest in each other and get tired of the same old routine.  This is why if couples want to keep their love alive, they need to make the effort!  Relationships and love lives take time and commitment and each of you need to be willing to give a little. Even food can get boring and bland, but if you add a little spice or different flavorings, then it can make a huge difference. Don't do the same thing every time.  Blow job today, doggy-style tomorrow.

It's not all doom and gloom when couples have kids in fact, it can bring them together even more.

#6 Take a break

It's not a bad thing to take a break from your children.  After all, it might help everyone if mom and dad are happy. To add a little more excitement, get a baby sitter and take a getaway.  Check out living social for a weekend getaway that's close by or even sign up for their getaway deals.  Places don't need to be fancy to spark up the love.  A relaxing and private place will work.

#7 Bigger bond

Sometimes people are less open when they are a newer couple or haven't been through many experiences, but having a child and going through it all can cause many couples to open up even more. Women's breast enlarge and that can be a huge turn on for some men and sometimes the love increases because having a child can be a bonding experience. We all feel closer to people when we've been through exciting or memorable experiences with them. Use this bond to improve your sexual relationship!

#8 Opposite effect

While some people may have a dwindling sex life after kids, others may be fully aware of what could happen to their sex life and actually become the opposite. They may realize that it's possible for their partner to become uninterested or bored so, some people begin to whip out the lingerie or the partner starts investing in sexier clothing for their significant other, sex toys or (well-done) porn and the sparks just start flying. Don't be afraid to go for it.


#9 Relax  


The more a person gets to know another person the more they might feel comfortable, and if they see their partner is not comfortable they might offer a massage to get that person into the right state of mind. Knowing what another person needs is an important way to help them get into the state of mind they need to be in order to want to have sex. Draw up a relaxing bath with candles and wine or  make dinner to take a load off the other person. Sometimes it's the little things that matter.  People who have been together for a while usually get this and if they don't, now they can.

#10 Get creative

Let's face it; it's not always easy to have an awesome sex life with children in the house. So some couples have to just get creative and "do it" in the bathroom and lock the door (we have 13 ideas for spots in your apartment to have sex, too!). While this may seem goofy and uncomfortable, it can be pretty amazing having a mirror available or even a shower to jump into together. However it works out doesn't really matter as long as it does work and everyone is happy and satisfied. 

Everyone will not have a perfect sex life, but everyone can have a better one.  If you're willing to invest a little time to do so, it can improve. Children don't have to pull the plug on your love life and you shouldn't let it.  Take action and find the time to take care of business.

Eileen Prouffe is a new GetLusty writer, but has over ten years as a working mom and trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com. 

You have read this article advice / better sex / body image / children / kids / loss of interest / marriage / massage / relationships / satisfaction / sex toys / stronger relationship with the title children. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/10-ways-sex-changes-after-kids.html. Thanks!

Curious About Sex Positive Parenting? Read These Books!

It's never easy being a parent and trying to teach your children the "right" way to learn about sexuality.  There are all kinds of views and perspectives available, so Eileen Prouffe is going to help you find a few resourceful materials that might help you when talking to your own children or maybe even a niece or nephew about sex. Check out her list of sex positive parenting books. They might even be a great gift for someone this holiday season.

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#1 Where Did I Come From? 

By: Peter Mayle

A great way to positively teach your children about sex at a young age. If they grow up around sex and hearing about it, then it might not be such a shock later on and they might be more mature about it. Every kid asks this question at some point, so you might as well address it sooner rather than later.

"This book was very tastefully done illustration and explained in a way that he cold understand while also giving pictures that wouldn't scare him." - Amazon Customer

#2 One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dads, Blue Dads

By: Johnny Valentine

This book is great for helping children see their parents as people, instead of sexual beings. It's a great way for them to learn to accept people for who they are and as they are, especially as parents. We all know that no parents are perfect and that there are all kinds of parents, so it's a great way for a child to open their minds and not be set in one particular way of parenting.

"I use this book in my preschool classroom with 3,4, and 5 year-olds. They love it, and instantly see the silliness in being afraid or worried about a family with two dads OR blue dads. We use it every year during our unit on families." - Amazon Customer

#3 The Boys Body Book: Everything You Need to Know for Growing Up 

By: Kelli Dunham

This is a great adolescence book can help parents teach their sons about the changes that are going on with their bodies and how to deal with them.

Of course they are going to be experiencing their "wet dreams" and feeling sexual desires, so it's important to address these feelings as they are happening so that they may learn to deal with them in a positive manner - understanding that they are normal, but that certain behaviors are not.

"I bought this book for my son, and it has been perfect for him. He's learned so much valuable information from this book, information that, as a single mom, I was worried I would not be able to pass onto him." - Amazon Customer


#4 Not My Kid: What Parents Believe About the Sex Lives Of Their Teenagers

By: Dr. Sinikka Elliot

A more modern book that focuses on reality and most importantly, your teenager, who needs a lot of guidance and attention at this stage in their life if you want them to make the right decisions about sex. This book is a wake-up call to a lot of parents as many of us forget that our kids are growing up and are constantly surrounded by sex. They are not oblivious to the world and we as parents cannot ignore the situations they have to face. This book is a must-read for parents of pre-teens and teens.

“Beautifully written, engaging, and insightful, Not My Kid advances our critical understanding of the complex tensions, contradictions, and paradoxes parents decipher as they make sense of the sex lives of their adolescent children. Sinikka Elliott invites readers to think critically about the revealing stories of parenting and family life that give life to this relevant book, and the emerging implications for the future of sex education programs and debates in an increasingly diverse and technological society.” - Gloria González-López

#5 I Said No! A Kid-To-Kid Guide To Keeping Your Kid Parts Private

By: Zack and Kimberly King

This is a great book written by a mother and son to help other children know that there are limits on their bodies and that there are ways for them to deal with people who might be trying to cross those boundaries. It's super important for children to know what to do at a very young age.

"I feel CONFIDENT that my daughter will recognize a dangerous situation because of this book! My daughter is starting Kindergarten, so I figured it was time to start teaching her about the "dangers of the world", but in a kid-friendly and easy-to-understand way. Since there are several books on this subject, I read 4 of them - this one, Your Body Belongs to You, Those Are MY Private Parts, and Amazing You! I Said No! is the clear winner, in my opinion." - Amazon Customer

#6  Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secret to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens

By: Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster

Richardson and Schuster do a great job at explaining all the proper procedures for how to tell your kids about certain topics and how to confront them at the right time.

There are a lot of topics that your kids are going to have to deal with, from kissing to intercourse and this book covers all of the major situations that are going to arise at some point. It's always better to be prepared.

"Richardson... bring extraordinary expertise and scintillating intelligence to this guide to coping with a child's sexual maturation. Acknowledging that kids are "inherently sexual" (male fetuses, for example, have erections in utero), the authors show how parents can influence their children's sexual development in healthy ways through honest communication." - Publishers Weekly

#7 Between Mom and Jo

By: Julie Anne Peters

This is a great read for children of lesbian parents, especially pre-teens. It will certainly spark a discussion for your family.

Between Mom and Jo shows that every type of couple experiences struggles. The two mom's go through a conflict in the book where the child is left in the middle.  This type of situation might really happen to children, so this book is important for young readers.

"This coming-of-age novel powerfully portrays the universal pain of a family breakup. It also portrays what is still a weird situation to many people (as reflected in the behavior of Nick's babysitter) as totally normal from one young man's point of view." - Beth Gallego, Los Angeles Public Library


#8 Who's Your Mama?  The Unsung Voices of Women and Mothers


By: Yvonne Bynoe

This is a great cultural book that deals with not only sexuality, but politics, class, and race.  Not only do our children have to deal with sex, but many other issues that go along with it as well.  It's important to address all of these issues early to help our children understand that just because they do not have a lot of money or because they are a certain race that they have to give in to pressure from society.

This book will help build confidence and self-esteem.  It's a great book for teenagers to learn about what their mothers might go through.

"Who's your mama? is an incredibly well-written collection of essays about the sorority of motherhood. Each chapter is a different essay telling the challenges of having, longing for, not wanting, or desperately seeking entrance into the complex, yet rewarding status of mother. Every essay concludes with a short biography of the author. Readers will root for, find judgment in, or gain a better understanding of this diverse group of women. The conventional wisdom of modern motherhood is delved deeply into. Each woman explores what motherhood means to her and, in the process, readers will be challenged to face their own hopes, dreams, fears, and realities." - Amazon Customer

#9 The Quick Start Guide To Sex-Positive Parenting

By: Airial Clark

Airial Clark has a lot of knowledge about sex positive parenting and also has a few podcasts. If you have the time to sit down with your child to listen, then it might be a good alternative to just reading a book or forcing a book on your child. However, Clark's guide is a great way to get started with some real experiences.

#10 Relationships and Sex Education (5-11) 

By: Sacha Mason and Richard Woolley

This is an excellent book for adolescents because it reaches them at a young age and helps them learn about sexuality in a positive way.  Many children are not receiving sexual education classes at school so, it's definitely up to the parents to provide the knowledge their children need before their kids are exposed to other kids ideas and the media.

"A sensible, sensitive, well written and easily accessible book that clearly puts the case for relationships education being at the heart of the primary curriculum. It provides an excellent critical analysis of the present situation and demonstrates a clear vision of what is required to help our young children progress successfully towards adulthood. Essential reading for all prospective and serving primary teachers." - Gillian L. S. Hilton, freelance education advisor and Research Supervisor at Middlesex University, UK

We need to make sure our kids are mature enough to handle whatever society throws at them.  Education is key and this is why books, websites, and podcasts are extremely important in assisting us with this difficult job we have as parents.

Sex is something that parents and children should never stop learning about.  It's important to seek out resources in order to assist with this learning process and help ease some of the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that may occur along the way.  Hopefully, some of these reads will help you get started, or continue with sex positive parenting.  Good Luck!

Eileen Prouffe is a GetLusty staff writer with over ten years as a working mom trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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5 Tips For Young Parents To Have More Sex

Everyone seems to be busy, tired, or both these days. With jobs, families, and social life commitments how does anyone have time for sex? Now just imagine throwing in a few young children into the mix and sex becomes that much more difficult. Nadine Thornhill, sexual health educator, writer, partner and parent can relate and understand to what other suffering parental units are going through. She has come up with 5 ways to keep your sex life thriving because everyone deserves sex on a regular basis.

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You are so into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sex. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.

Here are 5 strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.

Just so things are clear:

MoMs- Man of Mans, Nadine's partner and co-parent

Green Bean (or "The Bean")- Nadine's child

#1 Masturbate – it’s okay.

No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst out of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are times when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack.

A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favorite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!

#2 Express it. Don’t expect it.

As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”

I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form and chill about letting me veg out while watching, "So You Think You Can Dance"? That’s hot!

#3 Non-sexual touching

You know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids!

Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelings. Those good feelings help counter some of the less wonderful side-effects of parenting, which may include confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and more frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that's holding my relationship together!

#4 Porn

Sometimes if The MoMs has gone a while without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and I have to get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also, I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.

Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favorite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.

#5 Lube and toys

Sex toys aren't just for dirty people! Similar to porn, a good slick lube and reliable sex toys are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people, I keep my collection of lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.



This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

You have read this article children / couples / dads / kids / lube / marriage / moms / Nadine Thornhill / parenting / parents / sex / sex appeal / sex toys / toys with the title children. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/5-tips-for-young-parents-to-have-more.html. Thanks!

Sex Positive Parenting: 3 Common Questions & Answers

It can be hard enough to maintain a healthy sex life with your significant other, let alone having to teach your own children about it too. Sex can often be an uncomfortable topic for parents to talk about with their children, but it doesn't have to be. Being sex positive isn't just about being OK with sex and sexuality. Teaching your children a healthy view about sex can keep them from being sexually assaulted (imagine if they don't know what's appropriate and inappropriate?). GetLusty staff writer and mom is here again with some common questions and answers on sex positive parenting.

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#1 When should I talk to my kids about sex?

My motto is to talk to your kids as soon as they start asking, because that means they are interested and starting to pick up on life. Usually this happens around 8-10 years old, depending on your child, but some questions may happen sooner. You have to decide when the appropriate time is to explain certain things depending on how mature your child is.

My twins are about to turn 11 in January and they've pretty much asked about most things like periods, sex, how do people have babies, etc. Plus, they see plenty on TV and hear many things at school from other kids. However, when my four year-old asked me what my breasts are, I just told him they are part of my body because it's hard to explain biology and sex education to a child his age. When all else fails, use your judgement.

Also, if you do feel it's time to talk to them, but don't know how, you might want to refer to a few websites (we love Airial Clark of the Sex Positive Parent) for reference and GetLusty will continue to have more articles especially for sex positive parents. My preference is just to be straightforward and natural. Don't feel embarrassed. It's a normal part of life, and as parents it's our job to teach our children about it and we should do it in a positive manner so they don't grow up thinking sex is something bad or unnatural.

Sexual violence is a big problem in our world, so it's best to start teaching our children about sex while they are young. Sexual violence also starts early, so ensuring your kids know what's appropriate and what's not appropriate for them and others is essential. This was also noted by Maria Falzone, sex educator and comedian, in our podcast with her.

#2 Should I monitor what my children watch?

I used to think I didn't have to monitor what my children watched because, as a parent, you want to look at your children as innocent little angels. The truth is - they are not. They are human and naturally curious. I learned this the hard way one day when I logged into my Netflix account and reviewed the history of movies viewed. This is when I discovered that my son had been watching some swanky movies here and there.

I talked with him and let him know that it's not appropriate for his age and asked him why he had done it. He said he didn't know. Obviously, he was curious and that's pretty normal for his age. However, my point is that it's best to teach and educate your kids about sex as best as you can. Otherwise, they will be learning about it from the media, and the media might not always instill the same values that you may have as a parent.

While a few peeks here and there are innocent and normal, that doesn't mean you want your child doing it all the time. Even the Disney channel has some shows that I do not feel are a very good influence on my 11 year-old daughter. They make out and are disrespectful to their parents which I do not think is a good example for her age. At this time, in my opinion, she needs to be worrying about school and positive sex education.

#3 Condoms or abstinence?

It can be a difficult decision. Hand your child a condom or not give them one at all and tell them not to have sex. While certain religions may feel one way or the other, it is still important to teach your children about safe sex. Whether you teach your children abstinence or you teach them to use a condom, the importance of educating them about various STDs or STIs (check out our extensive list of STDs A-L and STDs M-T. Knowing is a must. You can teach your children abstinence, but that doesn't mean they will follow what you teach. It's important to make sure they are fully aware of the risks of unprotected sex and that all diseases are not curable.

We all hope our children will follow our advice no matter which standpoint we teach them from. From my perspective, the best way to prevent our children from making the wrong choices is by explaining all of the options available and why certain options are safer. We have to fully explain the consequences that can occur if they choose not to follow our advice and it's better to give examples of why. I usually show my children stories on the internet to give them something tangible they can visualize and see for themselves that what I'm telling them is real and my ideas are not just being made up.

As a child I had sex education in school. Unfortunately, many schools have cut sex education out for budgetary reasons, so that is why it falls on the parents even more now. Sex positive parenting isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be rocket science. Just be yourself and be open and honest with your children to the best of your ability. Remember, when they start asking - start telling, because that means they're ready. While you may not be ready for "the talk", it is a job that must be done. Promoting sex as something positive is the first step to educating your child.

Good luck! As always, with any specific questions, please e-mail us at reply@getlusty.com or me directly and we'll get them answered!

Eileen Prouffe is a GetLusty staff writer with over ten years as a working mom trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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