7 Features of a Happy Relationship

We've talked to many couples. Sometimes we couples don't realize how good we have it. Through thick and thin, we have our partner, and he or she has you. But that doesn't mean it's not tough. And we also sometimes wonder, when things get tough, what does a happy relationship look like? All couples run into some obstacles from time to time, and that's okay, and natural. GetLusty writer Lynn Olejniczak shares some thoughts on what makes for a happy relationship.

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There is no greater lesson than a lesson learned. I’m sure all of us have walked away from one relationship or another with the thought, “I’ll never do that again!” Often, we remember the promises that we made to ourselves. Other times they vaporize the second we see those sexy, blue eyes, or those strong arms – if you know what I mean. So here is a reminder of the things that make a relationship happy, healthy, and good. Cut it out and keep it on your fridge so your best friend doesn’t have to have this conversation with you later.

#1 Forgiveness 

Forgiveness is terrific. Happy couples are able to accurately decide what is a little thing, (always leaving an ABBA cd qued up in the car), as opposed to a big thing (getting drunk at corporate functions). Obviously these examples are no-brainers. It is the ones in-between, the ones that eventually weigh on us to become big things that can be issues. Things like, never putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, leaving cosmetics all over the bathroom, and demanding total control over the remote that will eventually breed contempt. If it really isn’t a big thing – just let it be. If the cops are sending cards thanking the household for their business, happy couples know something needs addressing.

#2 Communication

Happy couples not only talk to each other, but like to talk to each other. This means big, important issues and little, stupid stuff. That person in the next work cubicle who calls their partner a couple times a day to share what’s going on? They probably really like their other half. Reporting every cup of coffee consumed, or asking permission to go out to lunch is a little creepy, and probably not healthy. But if your partner is one of the top two people you think of to share something with, then congrats! I’m guessing you’re pretty happy.

#3 Stay true to you

Happy couples are happy because they know they are secure in their relationships. If one of the pair wants to paint their face blue and orange while they freeze their ass off in a parking lot every other Winter Sunday while the other prefers Art Institute lectures; that’s cool. Happy people let their partners out of their sight without worry. Happy couples are still individuals. Their partner is their partner because they fell in love with the individual. Keep the individual happy, and the couple stays happy.

#4 Tools to deal with difficult (ahem) family

We all have relatives that suck. Let me say that again. We all have relatives that suck. Happy couples have figured out that even if they don’t live with the videogame-obsessed-unemployed-stoner-brother-in-law, he still attends family functions. When the conscious decision was made to join forces, freaky family members became part of the package. Learning tools to deal with in-laws is important to a happy home life. Holidays, and visits don’t last forever. A happy partner will smile and listen to Aunt Catherine’s UFO experience six times on Christmas. Every Christmas.

#5 They support each other

In every dispute, sides are taken. Happy couples support each other. It helps keep them happy. If mom-in-law insists on reorganizing the furniture every time she comes to visit, the happy homemakers both say no. Once outside family and friends see that there is power in numbers eventually Machiavellian schemes should stop. But if Martha Stewart is your mother-in-law, you’re on your own.

#6 Respect

A positive, happy relationship involves respect. Respect is shown in a variety of ways; not leaving socks all over the living room, politely differing in opinion without turning it into WWIII, helping out with the kids, and not assuming it is the other person’s job all the time. Look, if James Carville and Mary Matalin are still married after 20 years then any couple can respect the other one’s baseball team.

#7 They're comfortable together... sexually

Come on! You didn’t think this would be a GetLusty article without mentioning doing the nasty? Happy couples are happily showing their affection for each other. We already talked about the statistics regarding married sex. So cohabitating sex, happily engaged sex, and happily dating sex should be just as good, no? The kiss, the wink, the grope, all that and a bag of chips happens when a couple is happy. If they feel it, they show it. No reason not to.

Obviously there are other things that happy couples do. These are just some of our favorites. If you’re happy for another reason, tell us. If you’re happy, we’re happy!

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore." She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CDs rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

You have read this article Communication / forgiveness / happiness / lynn olejniczak / relationships / respect with the title happiness. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/7-features-of-happy-relationship.html. Thanks!

5 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Less Stressful & More Loving

It's hard to feel sexy when you're overcome with anger for family and friends during the holiday season. We've been there. And we're here to help. Get lusty; get communicating and have more love and less chaos! Thanksgiving is a time of coming together with loved ones to give thanks for all you have, but we all know how chaotic the holiday can be. To avoid arguments with your partner and your drunk relatives, GetLusty for Couples' Jason Estrada brings you some loving advice for keeping the peace this Thanksgiving.

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When I think of Thanksgiving, a lot of wonderful memories come to mind, but so do some really bad ones. There's always a drunken argument over politics, or passive-aggressive stares from the people doing the dishes aimed at those falling asleep on the couch. The whole point of Thanksgiving is to convene as a loving family and to be grateful. Be grateful for your loved ones, not just in your toast, but throughout the entire day.

#1 Stay calm and prepare

To all the lusty couples out there hosting their family's Thanksgiving dinner - good luck. Hosting this holiday can be pure chaos, from morning to night. To make it less of a logistical nightmare, make sure you have everything you need before Thursday. Running to the store for that last minute ingredient can be a traumatic experience, so make a checklist and go over it before the stores close on Wednesday night. Now, stereotypically it's the woman who does all the work while the man paces around like a lost puppy. To both genders - lets not buy into those kind of roles. It doesn't matter who takes charge. Team work is key. If someone isn't helping, gently ask them in a kind way.

Start your day right and wake up in a positive state of mind. Take a moment to appreciate the fact that you are waking up next to the person you love, and look foward to sharing a great day with each other. Before the running around starts, cuddle and give thanks for being a part of each other's life.

#2 Spend some quality time

Some of us have never really paid too much attention to how much preparation goes into hosting such an event, mostly because we're not in any position to host one ourselves. Don't hold a grudge against all those singles at your dinner who are not being considerate of the strain you're experiencing. It's just gonna keep you in a bad mood for the whole night. Also, don't feel like you can't ask them for help. 

If you're asking your guests to bring a dish, be specific and be sure they know how many to cook for. If you tell three of your cousins to bring a vegetable side dish, you might end up with three salads. 

Take time to mingle with your friends and family. Even if there is a mountain of dishes dirtying up your sink, it's important that you enjoy your own holiday event. Go play cards with your cousins, check in on the game, or have a lengthy conversation with your grandparents or aunts and uncles. You don't get to see some of these people very often, so make sure you actually spend some quality time with them.

#3 Keep everyone busy

You don't have to personally entertain everyone. The football fans have their TV, and that's really all they want. Have a deck of cards, board games, and dominos. If you have the right elements out and in view, your guests will amuse themselves. To keep the insanity of children to a minimum, try having a room just for them. Fill it with video games, movies, and what ever else keeps them tame. Conversation is a natural phenomenon that occurs with people who have some kind of personal connection, so don't stress too much, your guests will be fine.

#4 Don't be that guy

It shouldn't be too difficult to have a good time without drama or strife, but we all have that one family member who can't go five minutes without starting an argument. If you're the one who has trouble with knowing when to keep your mouth shut, I suggest sticking to one simple rule: keep all your comments complimentary. If people are always insulted by the crap that falls out of your mouth, then you know what to fix - your mouth. Keep it shut, unless you have something considerate to say. It isn't your job to point out every flaw in the world. You're not there to correct anyone. You're there to appreciate your family and loved ones.

For those of you who know how to behave properly, don't be tempted by that fore-mentioned family member. Don't get pulled into an argument. It's easy - just smile and excuse yourself. You can scold them another day.

If you're bringing all ten of your kids, then please keep an eye on them. Even with all of your family members there, those kids are still your responsibility. Your host will be very grateful if it's you who's tearing your child from the walls and not them.

#5 Lend a helping hand

The most important thing for a guest is to help the host. Offer your assistance with the dishes or with some cooking. Every year you see the same people helping out in the kitchen. If you were never one of those helpful guests, try stepping up this year. Get your hands dirty. 

If you arrive before everyone else, you are helping. That's what you get for showing up three hours early. If you have no culinary skills, then set the table, help with any last minute cleaning, make the last minute grocery runs if needed. 

If you were unable to prepare a dish for the dinner, make an effort to bring the hosts a bottle of wine or a  store-made dish. If you're completely broke, then maybe you could bring a game from home that everyone might enjoy. The best thing you can offer your hosts is your help.  

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. Connect with him via email at jason@getlusty.com or subscribe via Facebook.

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Don't Forget Play: Have Fun Today!

Staying in love with yourself is just as important as loving your partner. That's why during this time of stress, loneliness and heartache during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, we're talking about the importance of play. Through play, we not only have fun, but we feel good about ourselves as well. Enjoying the life you're living in the body you were given. Monica Day is here to talk about the importance of having fun so you can live the best, happy life (which is an important part of having great sex, too).

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My kids just watched the old Tom Hanks movie, Big, over the weekend. The one where he wishes on a carnival fortune-telling machine to be “big” and wakes up in the body of a grown man the next morning.

I wandered through the living room during the scene where he has hot co-worker, Elizabeth Perkins, up to his loft and he’s trying to get her to jump on the trampoline. She’s rolling her eyes, asking for a glass of wine, until finally, he drags her onto it, puffy-skirted evening dress and all. Awkward at first, she makes a few tentative bounces and tries to get down. But he holds her hands, bounces with her, and makes it safe and fun for her to play again. And (big surprise) she also falls in love with him.

The irony of course is that she is a big whig in a toy company. But she had forgotten how to play. And while she had plenty of affairs with men in her company as a way to advance her career, this time her feelings were real. This boy-in-a-man’s-body opened her back up to the fun and innocence of playing. Along the way, the experience unleashed in her genuine passion, imagination and intimacy as well.

Hint: Anyone who is dating these days and trying to follow “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” advice: I say ditch it and find someone you can play and be yourself with! Everything will fall into place from there.

I was re-introduced to the word “play” as an adult when I entered the realm of sensual living. I wasn’t even good at playing as a child…so playing as an adult was an even greater challenge, as I had no memory to draw from for the experience. Then, to connect “play” with intimacy, sensuality and sex...well, that was a pretty big leap.

To me, play was not serious enough. It made me feel small, silly and suggested that I was irresponsible. Growing up, it seemed like adults had all the freedom and fun, and kids just got in trouble. So I was determined to be “big” as well, as early as possible. But that big-ness soon became an abatross around my neck — something I couldn’t get rid of, even when I finally wanted to.

Today, I see just about everything as one form of play or another — play is freedom, innocence and openness. You can even work out issues and have arguments, all within the realm of play (just ask my kids, they do it all the time)! Play is a mindset: players like to keep the game going, rather than having winners and losers, and life is the biggest game going!

So if the idea of bouncing on a trampoline in your evening attire doesn’t appeal to you, it may be time you give it a try. Innocence, freedom, wonder and love might be right around the corner.

Cross-posted with permission from The Sensual Life.

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach.

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website.

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