My Husband Live Chats with Porn Girls

Is it cheating when your partner looks for sexual arousal on the internet? Most of us understand why we look at porn. Many couples even enjoy it together, but what about live chatting? If you caught your partner chatting with a naked web girl/guy, would you be upset? When a person has direct contact with another person, and one of them are taking part in a sexual activity, isn't that cheating? Let's here from the She Said He Said team, Josie and Eli, about this cyber dilemma.

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Dear Sexes: My husband watches porn which is fine. That really doesn’t bother me but what bothers me is when he live chats with them. I told him I consider that cheating in a way and it needs to stop if he wants to continue this marriage. And he always needs to look up naked actresses and he does when I am right next to him but he thinks I don’t notice. Why, in your opinion, do you think he does that? Is it me?

She Said: Without knowing your husband, it’s hard to say why he’s doing this, but I feel pretty confident in saying that there’s nothing about you that causes him to do it.

First, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him looking at porn or even chatting with the live chat women. Always remember that they are hired and paid to be sex workers, they do not love him or care about him. They’re not your competition. They’re just performing a service.

That being said, your boundaries for what are acceptable to you in this monogamous relationship are extremely important. You do get to decide what you’re comfortable with, and he has an obligation to hear you and respect your boundaries.

In this case, figure out what you find acceptable and what you do not. Maybe looking at porn is fine for you, but live chats aren’t. Maybe you’d rather know that he’s looking at the naked actresses than have him keep those things a secret.

Whatever you decide, you have to be clear with him about how you feel when he live-chats, and clear about your boundaries. Find out from him what he truly believes he can honestly commit to, as far as his own boundaries and make sure you’re ready to be receptive to whatever truth he may share with you. If you’re going to freak out and call him names or threaten to leave him just to get him to say he’ll stop doing it, he’s not going to be able to trust you with the truth.

And you need the truth. So be the person he can tell the truth to, to the very best of your abilities. Once you know those truths, and his baseline level of commitment and boundaries, then take some time to decide if that’s the life you want to lead. It may very well be that once it’s all laid out there for you, the relationship will be worth him having cyber sex with a sex worker. It could also be that you will never ever be happy in a relationship with someone who is doing that.

There are no judgements coming at you from us no matter what you decide. Relationships work in millions of different ways, at millions of different levels of sexual commitment—all the way from the couple who were both virgins when they met, to couples who are very happily polyamorous and everywhere in between. There’s no shame in you being okay with him live-chatting. I would only be concerned if you said you were okay with it when you truly weren’t, and either started lying about your comfort or putting him in a position where he feels he must hide it from you.

Your job now is to figure out what is going to be best for you. Then the two of you need to figure out how to best serve both your needs while respecting both of your boundaries. In this case, I strongly suggest seeking help from a therapist or couples counselor. A certified sex therapist would probably be even better.

If you can’t find a happy compromise, then you leave. Your happiness and sense of well-being is crucial here. Don’t push them aside because you’re telling yourself that his actions are somehow because of you.

He Said: If I had a dollar for every time we received a question about boyfriends/husbands watching porn I could treat myself to a decent night out on the town. Watching porn isn’t a relationship crime. Often, I can partially defend a boyfriend/husband porn-surfing with the explanation that men are visual, and their porn watching is merely a quick quenching of their aesthetic thirsts (and in most cases, this activity has no reflection on the passion/excitement between partners).

However, I can’t defend the indefensible. Live chats with porn girls is something entirely different. Your husband’s not just looking, now he’s interacting, talking/typing, exchanging, etc.. Only you can decide what’s cheating to you, but personally, I would consider this a form of cheating. Your husband is spending time with live women (through a computer screen), and his interactions are most likely of the seductive/flirtatious sort. Additionally, the time he’s spending live chatting with these porn girls, he could be spending on his relationship with you.

Regardless, it only matters how you and your husband define these actions. If you’ve already expressed to your husband how this behavior hurts you, he needs to explain himself and/or adjust his behavior. If he continues with his live chatting ways, either he doesn’t understand how much you’re offended, or he doesn’t care (or maybe he’s addicted to the attention). Giving him the benefit of the doubt (that he cares about you and is not a bad guy), make him understand! You’ve made it clear to us how much this behavior bothers you. Make sure you’re just as clear with your husband. Live chatting with your love should always be more satisfying than live chatting with strangers.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always been a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct--and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like he sees it, and usually sees it very well. 'Like' them on Facebook.

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Nigella Lawson nude

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Best of 2012! 7 Differences Between Feminist & 'Traditional' Porn

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Interview! Erika Lust Talks Feminist Porn

Erika Lust is amazing as a feminist pornographer. Starting in only 2004, her films became explosively popular within several months. Why? She has a unique, sexy and dare we say, lusty, style. Lust Films has had prolific success and as you'll see Erika's passion is likely the biggest reason for the success of Lust Films. And what better way to solute this gorgeous, talented and incredibly smart woman than finding out more of her perspective on why she's so passionate? Read on!

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1. What is your definition of ‘feminist porn’?

Feminist porn is in direct opposition with most of the other kinds out there. It’s mission is to represent the female voices that are so absent from mainstream porn, yet so needed in order for pornography as a whole to represent anything close to an actual, positive sexual experience. Feminist porn is created in an effort to give power and importance to women’s sexuality.

2. What are the major differences between the porn you make and mainstream, male-dominated porn? How do your films aim to challenge stereotypes?

There are so many differences; I hardly know where to start! The whole reason I decided to make films is because of what I saw lacking in the mainstream industry. What’s immediately noticeable is the technical quality – I shoot everything with top-notch HD cameras, give major importance to lighting, and invest my time in finding great locations, sets, and musicians for the original soundtrack during a lengthy pre-production phase.

Another large part of pre-production is casting, which I spend more time on that I expect any mainstream director to. I’m not particular about looks so long as they are natural, people like you and me, but am very specific about attitude when I interview. Do they like their job? Their body? Sex in general? Do they hide their work from friends and family? Do they do it for the money only?

The answers to these questions really determine whether or not we’ll work well together, which effects the whole film. The actors have to be right for the role, which is something I think that sets me apart from mainstream films. I really do want to make films where the story is pivotal to enjoying the film. Without this, the sexual situations just seem ridiculous! The final thing I get a lot of good feedback on, besides the natural-looking actors, is the natural sex. I try and portray something akin to the type of sex people are actually having – none of this athletic, choreographed, fantasy sex for fantasy’s sake alone.

3. The films you make are often highly artistic. What’s your reasoning behind that?

It has always been my goal to merge traditional filmmaking with explicit content. Most filmmakers (in the US anyway) spend lots of time and money on aesthetics, characters, stories, and shy away from sexual content for ratings & audience reasons. Even if the sexual content is extremely graphic, as long as it’s not totally explicit, it’s acceptable. Meanwhile in mainstream porn, there is an obvious lack in any of the qualities listed above, but an abundance of sex, sterile and scripted though it may be. It’s either one or the other these days, with just a few notable exceptions: titles like 9 Songs, Shortbus, and Matinee. It’s among these pioneering directors that I wish to create, which means I strive for harmony between quality camerawork, an original soundtrack, fresh stories and scripts, rounded characters, believable situations, and beautiful sex.

4. What are some misconceptions or myths about the porn industry that you wish to debunk?

I think the single biggest misconception that I have to debunk regularly (to people’s disappointment), is that I am indeed running a business. People assume that, because I’m in the adult industry, that sexy naked people run around Lust Films having dildo-fights or something. I have to explain that, no, it’s an office – my time on the set while making a film is miniscule compared to the amount of time I’m at my desk or traveling – where regular staff, not actors, are hard at work. Sorry! We do have a lot of fun, but everyone is fully clothed, and very professional.

5. Are your films made specifically for women or do they aim to connect with an audience that includes men as well?

I started out making films that communicated my vision of sex and the erotic, and because it was a feminine view, I attracted an enormous following of women viewers. The original aim was to offer something that appealed to women, since so little of the adult industry is concerned with that. In the years since releasing my first film, a significant number of men have joined my following as well. And after women, couples are my greatest viewership. I think this shows that my films appeal to anyone who wants something different from porn, and I’m glad that both genders are included in this.

6. Do you think feminist porn is couples-friendly?

Absolutely! I get a ton of positive feedback from couples saying that they had a great experience. Whether it was the first time they’d ever explored porn together, or just the first time they’d seen that specific film, they enjoy our films! Watching an erotic film together could be the ultimate fantasy for some people, or it may open doors to new ones – like exploring fetishes, trying new positions or even making a film of one’s own! The key here is communication, and watching films together can really get the ball rolling, especially if you’re having a hard time explaining what you want, or what you fantasize about trying.

7. What do you think the future holds for the small but growing feminist porn market?

The term ‘growing’ is key here. All different types of indie porn are expanding thanks to the modern producer-consumer relations, technology, and sheer exposure. As the audience expands, more quality, varied films will exist, so that maybe someday everyone can find a type of erotic content that suits them. I think the future will see more indie films becoming household names (like those from the ‘golden age’), a massive increase in women enjoying porn and erotica, more interest and sales in products for female pleasure, and the overall re-thinking of human sexuality to include more feminine elements.

8. What are you excited about in the next 6-12 months?

I am in the middle of a few projects at the moment, so there’s a lot to be excited about! An erotic novel I just finished should be published early in the New Year. I’m also in the pre-production status with a new film, which will be completely unlike my others in a lot of ways. You’ll have to stay tuned for more updates on those!

More about Erika Lust

Erika Lust is an award-winning writer and erotic film director. She was born in Sweden in 1977 and currently lives in Barcelona, where she founded Lust Films in 2004.

Erika made her first film, The Good Girl, in 2004. The Good Girl, was distributed for free on the Internet and downloaded 2,000,000 times in the first few months after its release, winning the NINFA prize for the Best Short Film in the 2005 Internacional Erotic Film Festival in Barcelona (FICEB). With such a great response to her first film, she quickly moved on to bigger projects.

In 2007, Erika wrote and directed her first feature film, Five Hot Stories for Her, a compilation of five short films created specifically for women and couples. The Good Girl was included in this quintet. Five Hot Stories for Her took away the prize for Best Screenplay at the Barcelona Erotic Cinema Festival (2007), Best Film for Women at Venus Berlin (2007), Honourable Mention at CineKink New York (2008), and Film of the Year at the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto (2008).

Next came Barcelona Sex Project, an independent experimental documentary exploring the lives, personalities, and orgasms of six Barcelona residents, which was awarded Best Erotic Documentary at Venus Berlin (2008) and an Honourable Mention at the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto (2009); Life Love Lust, the highly anticipated follow up to Five Hot Stories for Her, and the publication of three books: Good Porn, The Erotic Bible to Europe, and Love Me Like You Hate Me. Erika’s latest film, Cabaret Desire, was released in October 2011. An adult film set in Barcelona’s ‘Poetry Brothel,’ she’s fond to call it “my biggest project to date, my best, I think, and my most personal.”

From there, Erika has worked on numerous other films, of which you can find out more on Lust Cinema. Also, follow Lust Films on Facebook and Twitter @erikalust.

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Interview! Camille Crimson on Blowjobs, Erotica & Motorcycles (NSFW)

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Why We Crave Porn

Just in time for Dick & Dildo December. GetLusty loves porn. Scratch that--GetLusty loves feminist porn. Have you seen our favorite feminist porn stars list? Or our 30 Top Feminist Porn Sites? Over the years, porn has risen more and more from the depths of underground culture into mainstream society, causing it to grow increasingly profitable while still retaining the controversy that has always surrounded it. Some porn stars, such as the famous Jenna Jameson, have become household names and just as popular as many Hollywood actors and actresses. GetLusty is always curious about porn and its effects on couples. Well, Josh Merel, a neuroscience PhD, offers three points as to why porn is so popular as well as what kind of effects, positive or negative, it can have on the different types of people who view it.

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Porn exists and it will continue to be used heavily in Western society.

Why? Like other cultural products that have become pervasive, porn satisfies a want felt by many men, women and children. Porn is neither good or bad per se; rather, consequences of porn use in certain contexts may lead to people being happier or less happy. Discussion about porn use should be an honest consideration of why porn is so appealing to many, and in what contexts porn can have good and bad effects.

Human animals desire sex; we crave it viscerally. But sex is somewhat complicated to acquire. Grouping masturbation in with sex, humans have the option to have sex by themselves. Nevertheless, despite the comparatively simple option of solitary masturbation, most people prefer to engage in erotic experiences with others.

Scientifically, it is no mystery why we crave sex with other people—we reproduce by sexual intercourse—though admittedly this is not usually in the forefront of one’s mind while thinking about erotic experience (it is what scientists consider an evolutionary cause, rather than a proximal cause).

As soon as the “will” of other individuals becomes part of sex, having sex becomes something less trivial than simply deciding one wants to … right now.

The fact that the will of more than one individual is involved yields all the various agreements we have come to with respect to regulating sex; among the many forms are marriage customs, prostitution and internet pornography. There is tremendous diversity, though, which I don’t wish to minimize by omitting here.

Point 1: The extent to which there is a real relationship between the performer and the porn viewer is under-appreciated. This is not just to say that the porn performer is a “real” person—such a point has been made many times. More subtly, I want to emphasize the fact that there is a relationship, ranging from a simple transaction to a possibly emotional connection, between the viewer and the performer.

In the biological sciences, there is often an attempt made to learn about healthy people by studying diseased people. Without being too judgemental of the people (usually men) extremely interested in pornography, one might hope to do the same here. We can likely learn a great deal about “regular” porn users from the “extreme” users. I am not an expert on porn addiction, but one relevant feature of serious porn viewers is that they may have, what are to them, highly meaningful relationships with specific porn stars. While most porn viewers may not be able to immediately relate to this, regular porn viewers will still have preferences for appearances, behaviors and communication habits of the porn “characters” they watch. As a monogamous and capitalist culture, we prefer to think of porn not as an interaction between people, but as a purely commercial product to be consumed.

Point 2: For those couples who both find porn use acceptable within the context of their monogamous relationship, porn is likely beneficial to that relationship. However, whether the relationship remains truly monogamous becomes more suspect. Even while in a relationship, many men and women will continue to find other people attractive. They may genuinely desire to suppress those feelings in “real life” in order to hold to certain commitments to themselves and/or their partner with respect to their sexual freedom. This argument can be formulated in various flavors, but when used in defense of porn consumption boils down to the overly simplistic point that porn isn’t real and doesn’t affect the monogamous relationship.

I think that this is practically true for many porn users, but by way of reference to Point 1, I wish to complicate this point. Porn use involves a human interaction with another person, the performer. I think given the predominance of monogamy in contemporary western society, this fact about pornography has been actively played down. That is, as a monogamous and capitalist culture, we prefer to think of porn not as an interaction between people, but as a purely commercial product to be consumed.

With respect to monogamy, porn use can perhaps be lumped into a broader class of release-valve theories- individuals who might have struggled to be completely monogamous get a release by interacting in a controlled and socially acceptable way with pornography. The salient point that distinguishes porn performers from prostitutes, with respect to monogamy, is the stronger asymmetry in the relationship.

In conventional pornography there is no interaction directed from the user to the performer, and for many people in relationships this probably feels less threatening. A husband might be as likely to be with a porn star as with a famous Hollywood actress, so the porn remains in the realm of fantasy. Increasingly interactive forms of pornography (one-on-one shows) might be considered similar to visiting a prostitute, as the nature of the relationship between performer and viewer becomes more bi-directional. Such interactive porn likely requires additional ethical negotiation, especially within the context of a monogamous relationship.

Point 3: There are certainly healthy ways of interacting with pornography. But any approach where the viewer is not fully honest with himself is likely unhealthy. It is easy to say that watching porn and masturbating is relaxing, but should such an answer suffice as justification? Most people face sexual tension at times, and perhaps porn is well-suited to certain such situations (perhaps even regularly), but how many people use porn to escape non-sexual stressors? Some of these rhetorical questions might be best answered systematically with statistics, but even before a survey would be coherent, individuals might find such self-reflective questions difficult to answer honestly for themselves. When constraints are placed on the behavior we are allowed to publicly express, we will want to satisfy our cravings elsewhere.

Does porn help a user take a break, or does it act like a narcotic, inhibiting the user from addressing other fundamental issues related their relationships and their life? Each individual likely has their own answer.

Humans have wants, and satisfaction of many such wants depend on productive interactions with other individuals. If an adolescent boy is embarrassed to gawk at a scantily-clad woman, perhaps porn will help him to learn about his urges, or perhaps it will encourage him to objectify women. How the porn is presented and its content will likely affect which. If a man in a committed monogamous relationship consumes porn, perhaps porn will serve to de-stress him and release some sexual tension, or perhaps porn will encourage dissatisfaction with his relationship. Again, the context within his relationship in which he uses porn and and the kind of porn he consumes will play a role.

It is meaningless to simplify porn as bad or good, rather we should seek to understand this new component of our culture with an interest in personally reconciling our own behavior.

I have tried to analyze some of the complications related to porn use and the discussion surrounding it while trying to avoid inserting too many of my own personal values. Borrowing language from Freud, but using the terms somewhat figuratively, the desire for porn reminds us of the internal struggle between the id and the superego. Our individual wants with respect to sex, as well as other cravings, may inherently conflict with regulations encouraged by our society and our close companions.

How individuals deal with balancing their desires against what they know to be the desires of others with whom they interact is deeply personal. More than simple and sweeping solutions, a healthy interaction with others (including porn-performers) requires honesty, introspection, and communication about why we engage in certain activities and whether we personally find them acceptable in the context of our own relationships.

Originally appeared at The Good Men Project in partnership with Elephant Journal.

Josh Merel is a PhD candidate with research focus in computational neuroscience at Columbia University. Outside of neuroscience, he has broad ranging interests spanning robotics, literature, philosophy, society and most everything else. Find out more about his research here.

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Labiaplasty & Porn: What Can We Learn? (Pt 2)

Who doesn't love a beautiful vulva? Why isn't every vulva beautiful? This Naked November, we're thinking about nudity and body image. We think you should be naked more often. In fact, we have ways to help you feel better about your naked body. Sometimes, though, as humans, we compare ourselves to others. This could give us a complex! In the discussion of body image, we're talking about the plastic surgery called labiaplasty. We continue Hylton Coxwell's of Vulva 101's discussion about porn's affect on women's genitals. Here, Hylton jumps into the specifics of his argument.

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First, a word on pubes

Contrary to popular belief, removing pubic hair is not a new thing. We humans have been doing it for at least 5,000 years, and probably considerably longer, for both aesthetic and practical reasons. So why do we start seeing shaved vulva appearing in porn in the mid- to late-1980s?

That’s actually a trick question. Though the 1980s are often cited as the start of the shaved vulva trend, that’s not when we see the first smooth vulva on-screen. Scroll back to 1972, the movie Deep Throat sports Linda Lovelace’s fully shaved vulva. Thanks to Fanpix for the picture. When asked in an interview with Esquire Magazine why she shaved for the film, Linda replied, “I always do. I like it.”

And today, women (and men) answer that question the same way. They remove their pubic hair because they want to, they like it and because they can. Of course, there were porn movies before the 1970s, but by today’s standards they were very difficult to produce, acquire and view, ergo they only had very limited audiences.

In these ‘stag films’ we still find the occasional shaved vulva, even in very early black and white films (silent but with big band soundtracks). Personally, jazz and swing are a little off-putting in terms of porn music, but I grew up in the age of “bow chicka wow-wow” themes, so I can’t be one to judge. Either way, it’s another example of how porn is a reflection of society.

Shaved vulva on film can be traced back to somewhere between 1915 and 1920, coincidentally the same time we start seeing shaved armpits in Hollywood movies. Prior to that we run out of film pretty rapidly, but we have literary evidence, artwork and the existence of the pubic wig, or ‘merkin’ (dating back to the mid-1400s) to show us people have been removing pubic for a very long time.

Clearly, porn isn’t causing people to shave, wax, laser or trim. People shaving, waxing, lasering and trimming are what’s causing hair-free vulva in porn, not the other way around.

The unnatural vulva

What about vulva themselves, does porn on film/video show “unnatural” or “impossibly neat” ones? Many claim the vulva seen in porn don’t appear in nature and seeing these unnatural vulva causes women to feel bad about theirs and incites them to have labiaplasty surgery. That’s simply not true and it’s one of the most mind-numbingly stupid things I’ve ever heard.

We already established in Part 1 the vulva shown in photographic porn are indeed real and actually vulva. No impossibly perfect—I think they’re all possibly perfect—nor surgically altered, dyed or Photoshopped vulva anywhere to be found (except when required by law). Video, of course, shows the same real vulva. With one caveat: there’s surprisingly very little visible vulva on video (say that three times fast!).


The hidden vulva

Even in big-budget, two-hour features there can be less than five minutes of footage in which you can clearly see a vulva. I used a stopwatch, admittedly a strange way to watch porn, and some scenes I didn’t press the button once!

It can vary quite a bit depending on the genre, but most of the time there’s something (a body part or object) in the way, obscuring our view, or the shot is too wide to make out any details beyond their pubic hair style. When we, for a few fleeting seconds, do see vulva, they are naturally diverse. Long labia, short ones and barely there ones, dark and light and every shade in between. They match the complexions of those who have them, no dye or photoshop needed.

The pornographic scapegoat

So this impression that porn is making women shave or making them feel so bad about their vulva they are compelled to get labiaplastic surgery, where is this coming from? It’s coming from sources who aren’t interested in facts and evidence, as they are consumed with their own insecurities and go to great lengths to blame pornography for their problems. It’s the same group which writes things like “porn is cruel and violent” and “porn dehumanizes women and turns them into nothing more than sex objects.” This attitude begs the question: what kind of porn are these people watching?!

Anti-porn hysteria doesn’t reflect reality. It’s a delusion, whether it comes from the mouths of politicians, religious leaders or activists, and it needs to be treated as such.

Many of these rather shrill people want to see porn banned. Their minds, like cement, are all mixed up and permanently set. Their message should be ignored. A better message would be one based on facts: if you’re watching porn and see a vulva (or penis) that looks different than your own, it’s simply because everyone is unique. That uniqueness should be celebrated and appreciated.

With a background ranging from journalism, publishing and photography to computer programming and languages, along with an insatiable curiosity of the world around us, Hylton Coxwell explores a hidden topic in his first book ‘Vulva 101’. Born in 1976 near Belleville, Ontario (Canada), Hylton moved to Hiroshima, Japan in the mid- 90’s to study Japanese and various martial arts. Having returned to the Belleville area, he now teaches self-defense classes, mostly to women, and owns several small businesses. Follow Hylton on twitter @Vulva101. You can also email him at info@vulva101.com, or subscribe to his Facebook page.

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8 Fun Sex Facts You Should Know

Just because you've had plenty of sex doesn't mean you know it all! Sexual pleasure can be a learning process overtime as bodies change and so likes and dislikes. GetLusty writer Eileen Prouffe hopes that some of these fun sex facts will bring about more pleasure and fun for you and your partner. Read on!

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#1 Size doesn't really matter

For the gents out there: penis size doesn't matter as much as we might think it does. The average penis size internationally is around 5-7 inches (erect). The average non-child bearing woman’s vagina is only 3 inches long when not aroused (measured from the opening of the vagina to the tip of the cervix). Once she’s sexually excited, her vagina only extends another inch or so. Though some women have more vaginal depth. According to Ask Alice, "Regardless, during arousal, blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the upper two-thirds of the vagina to lengthen by forcing the cervix and uterus to ascend." We recently addressed this noting penis size doesn't matter.

#2 It'll whip you to shape

Of course, some of the positions in our sex positions library are more 'advanced' than others. Imagine the difference between athletic sex, a few swings of your whip for a little spanking session or full-on athletic sex. An average person of about 150 lbs can burn about 216 calories in about 45 minutes of sex. There's also a more comprehensive list of calories burned during sexual activity including New Yorker sex versus Los Angeles counterparts, spanking and even "after watching a Paris Hilton video," from the Calorie Lab as published in the American Journal of Exercise Calorimetry in August 2006. So, if your issue is that you don't have time for sex and working out then, just have sex and kill two birds with one stone.

#3 The G-spot is named after a German physician

The G stands for the Gräfenberg spot which was named by Ernst Gräfenberg, a German physician who studied women's orgasms. Though there is still controversy about whether G-spots really does exist (GetLusty ladies are in agreement for an emphatic, "YES!"). Even well-researched Sex Expert Debby Herbenick isn't completely sure the G-spot even exists. The definitive answer? Some women feel that they definitely have a g-spot, while others do not. Personally, I feel that I do have one because I know that there is a little spot down there where amazing things can start happening. Can't find yours? Not to worry. We've written extensively on G-spot orgasms, including the most recent on having G-spot orgasms during cunnilingus. Also, we have recommendations of books on G-spot orgasms and even squirting 101.

#4 Semen could make you happier

A recent study done at the State University of New York in Albany, suggests that semen can be an antidepressant. This study found that women who have vaginal sex without a condom show fewer signs of depression than women who abstain or regularly use condoms. Other research has shown that semen may also boost your cardio health. Although these sources have not been proven, it doesn't hurt to try. 

#5 Kissing causes happiness

Sure, there may be times when people don't bother to kiss while having sex because they are in a hurry or because they haven't brushed their teeth yet, but according to WebMD, kissing can really bring people closer together and make them feel more of a connection. Sometimes couples who have been together for a while start to skip this part of the relationship, but really you should consider rekindling it and making it a priority. Kissing is considered a really intimate way to connect with a person so maybe that's why a kiss can be highly valued. Get your smooches on!

#6 Sex can boost your immune system

Both having sex and having an orgasm have numerous health benefits, including boosting your immune system. Scientists have proven that having sex twice or more a week can boost your immunity and help prevent diseases like a common cold or other infections. Because people who have regular sex are exposed to more infectious agents. The body then responds by increasing antibodies and boosting the immune system. This winter, it may be beneficial to take more trips to the bedroom with your partner instead of going to the pharmacy.

#7 The clitoris has more nerve endings than a penis

The clitoris has 7000 nerve endings while a penis has about 4000. This may help explain why some women may be more sensitive and particular in the way that they like to be touched. Not all women prefer the same thing so, it takes a little exploration to figure out what each individual prefers. For those continuing the sexual exploration process, we recommend female masturbation to learn more about what stimulates you best.

#8 The left side of the clitoris is more pleasurable than the right

If you're looking to explore her vulva and clitoris, how about trying it a little to the left? In the book Extended Massive Orgasm, Steve and Vera Bondansky found that it pays off to aim to the left. It was discovered that most women interviewed for the book found that the upper-left quadrant of the clitoral head is more sensitive than the right. Go ahead and tell your partner to go left!

Speaking of sexy fun, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 

Eileen Prouffe is a GetLusty staff writer with over ten years as a working mom trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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