Are We All Sexually Dysfunctional?

What? We're all f*cked up sexually? That makes sense though, doesn't it? No one is perfect (well--unless you're talking about me. I'm totally perfect). Everyone makes mistakes, so why wouldn't we all be a little sexually dysfunctional? One of our favorites, Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus of Dr. Jenn's Den, is back talking about sexual concerns. We must say that almost all of us at the GetLusty office currently has or has had a sexual concern. So from our perspective--we think yes, we're all sexually dysfunctional. Well, we'll let you develop your own ideas about this topic. Read on!

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At the recent sexuality conference I attended, my friend and colleague Gina Odgen spoke about her “ISIS Wheel.” ISIS is an acronym for “integrating sexuality and spirituality.”

Gina is a sex therapist, author, and shaman, and her ISIS Wheel is a like a medicine wheel and a compass, applied to sexual experience and satisfaction. To the right is an image of the ISIS Wheel.

Visualize yourself standing before a life-sized ISIS Wheel. Now reflect on your sexual experiences and sexuality and consider how you like to enter these experiences.

Is it through the “body” realm and pleasurable sensations, such as heightened body awareness, the sounds of your partner’s arousal, or orgasm? Think back to the first time you had sex. Perhaps there was a “mind” component motivating you, such as curiosity or expectation. The “heart” component, about emotions, is strong for many and varies from the extremes of love and trust, to guilt and fear. For some, the “spirit” path is most motivating, when they exchange sexual energies and deep connection with their partner.

The foundation for Gina’s ISIS Wheel is sexual health, not sexual dysfunction. This means that despite any concerns people have in their sex lives, it is all just part of their sexual story that can be mapped and explored through the wheel. Framing sexual concerns as stories instead of dysfunction gives individuals and couples more freedom to explore the complexity of their sexual experiences, without judgment. Clearly, sex through the lens of the ISIS framework is about a lot more than physical release or performance.

The “ISIS connection” is when all four aspects of the wheel meet in the center. However, any experience is just as valid as the next. When we view a sexual “problem” as part of a sexual story and journey, it makes it a lot easier to address it head on, in all its layers of complexity. I suggest taking this wheel for a spin to learn more about you and your partner!

Help end boring sex and enter to win a LELO Tiani 2 courtesy of SheVibe. What do you need to do? Just 'Like' GetLusty on Facebook by December 1st! Have you followed us on Twitter yet? We're @getlusty there. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, too!

Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression. Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives. Follow Dr. Jenn on twitter @DrJennsDen, or subscribe to her Facebook page. 

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Interview! Ben Belenus on "The Sex God", Sex & Spirituality

We met up with Ben Belenus on Facebook. He was nice, friendly and just finished a book called, "The Sex God". Well, we haven't talked about God in a long time. Goodness, since our podcast with Melissa Jones, a Christian sexologist. So what better time to talk about spirituality and sex together? Why can't spirituality and sex be intertwined? At least occasionally? Tantric sex is an awesome form of making love that we hope to delve into more in a series on tantra. Without adieu, our interview below.

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* For you, why is sexuality & spirituality linked?

They are inseparable. Sex brought us all here. Birth and death are all a part of the sexual cycle of life. Sex is spirit. Let's celebrate it! I just finished some 500 hours of tantra meditations with my beloved. Those meditations have granted me direct experience of the spiritual possibilities that sacred sex can bring us. Very beautiful, very life affirming and utterly recommended. 

* How did you get into educating others about sex? (Would you call yourself a sex educator)? 

By accident really. I woke up one morning a few years back with a burning urge to write. I had never written anything before. I opened up my laptop and the words just flooded through. Apparently I was to write a book about sex! I got naked and tenderly revealed the most secret dimensions of male sexual thought and action. I am not sure many men write so honestly about sex. This process continued for another six months. My book ‘the sex god – No Mud No Lotus’ was birthed or channeled in this way. It was an effortless and enjoyable process. Honesty is an alluring phenomenon. Honesty is erotic. Authenticity is erotic. Now the book is published... I am suddenly educating others about sex!

* What is 'The Sex God'? 

If the sex god were me then my book would be called “The Sex God”, but it isn’t me. I am not a Sex God, but I do have within me a force of nature that behaves like a god. It is known as ‘the sex god’.

My sex god, is particularly omnipotent and it uses me to its own end. This unusual god is a motivational force that cannot be exiled. It’s an irresistible urge for union with my opposite energy polarity. It’s also a wonky force fuelled by nature itself, by karmic entanglements from the past or by wounded psychosis and addictive urgency.

Sometimes the surging agenda of the sex god cannot be overcome. It causes dense identification with its need. Its agendas are many and varied including giving, addiction, healing, guiding my life and most importantly taking me home to wholeness; the sex god wishes to give to a woman so deeply that the hearth-flower of her soul is opened so she can take me home.

In some men the sex god can be wreckless, causing them to go cause all kinds of harm to others. But it doesn’t need to be that way. The teachings of tantra can show us the way.

* How do you measure success as a sex educator? 

A good sex educator will show you that there is soooo much more to sex than orgasm, and that the best sexual experiences you will ever know can be had when you leave your ego and all its weenyness or superiority at the door.

* Who inspires you in the world of sex therapy & education?

Mahasatvaa Sarita, Margot Anand, David Deida, the man that is Ben.

* What's your favorite book about sex or sexuality?

Divine sexuality, Mahasatva Sarita. The way of the superior man, Deida.

* What are you looking forward to over the next year?

Over this next year I am looking forwards to spending more time in sexual samsara, spending more time with my daughters, and spending more time in exotic locations with my beloved. Professionally, I'm looking forward to another year of flow, wealth and being looked after by the universe. My next book which explores the realm of conscious relationship is coming along nicely, so it will be fab if that is published next year too.

More about Ben Benelus

Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women, practitioner of conscious relationship, mystic and Author. His juicy new book “The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. Ben’s next book which is a deep exploration of conscious loving relationship will be published in 2013. 'Like' Ben Benelus on Facebook and buy your copy of, "The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus" on Amazon.

You have read this article advice / better sex / emotional / erotic / for couples / for men / for women / interview / intimacy / spirituality / tantra with the title spirituality. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/10/interview-ben-belenus-on-sex-god-sex.html. Thanks!