Female Multiple Orgasm 101: a Ladies Mini-Guide

Ladies! Let’s talk about multiple orgasms. You’ve probably heard other women talk about them in reverent, clandestine tones, as if having multiple orgasms is equivalent to being a part of the Illuminati. Oh curious reader, allow me to indoctrinate you. There’s no rite of initiation, there’s no secret handshake, and vaginas only kind of secretly rule the world. The truth of the matter is that they’re my bread and butter, and my life would be radically different without the ability to have them. They make me feel good, and inducing them makes my partner feel good. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have more than one orgasm if you want, and if you keep reading, you’re going to know multiple orgasms, A to Z. GetLusty's SugarCunt sheds some light on the mysterious Multiple Orgasm.

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Multiple orgasms are not what you think

Multiple orgasms do not follow a single model. Don’t think that for multiple orgasms to “count”, they have to occur within seconds of one another. For some people, multiple orgasms occur when they experience a strong climax, and then enjoy successive aftershocks as their autonomic reflexes “bounce off” the first orgasm. For others, multiple orgasms occur with short breaks in between; Betty Dodson, of dodsonandross.com, compares this model to sneezing multiple times – there’s a little buildup between each one.

In Express Milaukee, Laura Anne Stuart, MPH clearly defines multiple orgasms as successive orgasms that take place without reaching the “resolution” phase of the human sexual response model. In Masters and Johnson’s model of human sexual response, the four phases are excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. If you have multiple orgasms, your orgasm doesn’t resolve. Instead, you return to the plateau stage and get to catapult blissfully back into orgasm.

According to Dr. Laura Berman, men have a refractory period – a time in which they may be unable to get another erection or have another orgasm, but women do not. Women might need a break between orgasms because of clit sensitivity, but that’s different from a refractory period. A woman’s body is still capable of having more orgasms.

Why aren’t more people having multiple Os?

The common belief is that almost all women are capable of having multiple orgasms. According to Dr. Rachel Abrams there are few conditions that may prevent it, such as pelvic surgery or injury, and severe chronic illness. Short of those negating factors, why aren’t more women having more orgasms?

Some of you may not have heard about multiple orgasms until you read this article. Some women may have read about it in Redbook or Cosmo, but didn't think that their partners would be accommodating. Some women feel like having more than one orgasm is greedy. Many women probably think that they just aren’t capable of it. Whatever the hang-up is, you can overcome it.

Want to start having multiple orgasms?

First things first: Know what you like. If you’re barely getting to one orgasm, maybe the technique being used isn’t what you need to get off. Try something new! Masturbation is one of the best ways to figure out what really gets you off, and it’s also the best place to start trying to have more than one orgasm. Masturbation ensures that your first attempts will take place in a low-pressure environment, and if you simply can’t make it to two or beyond, you can always try again later without feeling like you’ve disappointed anyone. Once you figure out what gets you past the first orgasm, you can share the knowledge with your partner to remove some of the guesswork.

Get in the mood and do things that encourage an intense orgasm. Not sure how to take your orgasms to the next level? 5 ways to orgasm more intensely has you covered. Some other words of advice: Make sure that you’ve been thoroughly aroused before you attempt to attain your first orgasm. If need be, tease yourself a little by approaching orgasm, then backing off several times, which will increase the sexual tension in your body. If you have an earth-shaking first orgasm, you may have a chance to reap the benefits of those bouncing autonomic reflexes.

Contract your pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle). Rhythmic contractions can herald and enhance an orgasm, and a strong pelvic floor can assist you in your attempt to have multiple orgasms. Kegel exercises will help strengthen your pelvic floor and make controlling these contractions much easier, so give them a try.

If your clit tends to become oversensitive, back off of it and try stimulating some other part of your body while keeping yourself in the moment by flexing your PC muscle, rocking your hips, and breathing. You may only have to leave your clit alone for a few seconds before you’re back in the game.

Don’t obsess over it

Yes, you should keep in mind that you aren’t going to quit once you’ve had your first orgasm, but don’t be single-minded about having more than one; you’ll make yourself anxious and it will detract from your arousal. Don’t think that the sexual episode is failed if you don’t have multiples. There’s nothing wrong with having – or preferring – one orgasm. Every orgasm is an enjoyable achievement, so don’t take the one that you had for granted. You aren’t being graded, so have fun!

Sugarcunt is incorrigible. She was born with a vagina, identifies as gender-queer pansexual feminist, and embraces female pronouns. When she isn't playing video games, blogging, or reading, she spends her spare time trying to pioneer the art of dildo knitting. Lover of snark, cats, cephalopods, and baked goods, she lives with her boyfriend, three pets, and an army of sex toys in the mountains of North Carolina. She blogs about sex toys, sex-positivity, body-positivity, queer culture, gender, and kink at Sugarcunt Writes, and you can find her on twitter as @Sugarcunt.

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4 Ways to Get Him to Love Your Sex Toy

Do you have to hide your sex toys from your partner? Sneak a solo session in with your vibrating friends after he's fallen asleep? Shame on you! Guys love toys too, so let him play! But maybe he's uncomfortable with that 12 inch dildo hiding in the corner of your closet. Men can be incredibly insecure when it comes to competing phalluses. All you have to do is remind him that they're just toys, and he loves toys. Lynn Olejniczak is here to help you with developing a relationship between your toys and your man.

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Most of us have one, or maybe two. Generally they are tucked away in a drawer, or the closet, usually in the original packaging. When we use it, it is often when we are alone, or discretely after the night is over and he has fallen asleep. It does its job; we clean it, and then put it away again. Our husbands know we have it, they just don’t ask. What they don’t see, they don’t have to confront.

What's wrong with a sex toy, anyway?

What is the issue with a vibrator? Some husbands don’t have an issue. They eagerly join in the fun by watching or using it on their wife. There is an open dialogue about toys and may even enjoy purchasing them for her use, or even their own. While this is terrific, it doesn’t always happen. Or it doesn’t happen without a conversation – sometimes an uncomfortable one.

See, for all their bravado men can be pretty insecure. This is where "the wall" comes up regarding toys. Let’s face it, toys don’t get tired. Toys can vibrate faster, are more direct than a human finger, and have more force than the tongue. They don’t change the rhythm because of a cramp, nor do they interrupt the moment to ask you if it feels good. All-in-all, toys are pretty freakin’ awesome. They would be even more awesome if your hubby was involved.

So, how do you approach the subject without running right into that wall? Answer: Gently.

#1 Assure him

Your husband knows the benefit of mechanics, he’s a guy! But the last thing he wants is to be replaced by a machine. He won’t admit it but that's what he's thinking when he hears the word “vibrator”.  What you need to say to him is, “Honey, my Nea is terrific but it would be even better if you would use it on me. Please?” And while he may look like a deer in headlights, that is the moment you show him what it is and better yet, show him how it works.

#2 Start small

Getting your husband into using toys on you may be easier if you start out slow, and small. Bullets, mini massagers, finger tinglers – all are small and powerful. There is nothing intimidating about them and you can buy them in pink for Pete’s sake. Once he sees this tiny device, he may feel more comfortable with the whole idea. Show them how to turn it on, adjust speeds and vibrations. The guy in him will kick in and want to figure out how it works, and how it works best. Show him where to position it, if you even have to. Chances are he will want to see for himself. If he is moving about too much or changing speeds too often, gently show him where it feels best. Move his hand, or tilt your hips to help him out, just as you did the first time he went down on you. He'll get it.

#3 Move up when you're both ready

If you happen to have something larger and more complex like a studded, flexible dildo or a Triple Rabbit, you may want to hold off on showing him those if you think he may be uncomfortable. Get him used to the idea of something inside of you besides him by purchasing a dildo, and using it in conjunction with a small vibrator. Buy something made of glass or acrylic so it doesn’t appear too real or intimidating. You can even get a dildo with a removable vibrator for when you want to take him to the next level.

Just as you would want to be treated with respect and understanding if he wanted to do something new in the bedroom that you might not be comfortable with, go into this conversation with the same loving respect for his feelings. Many men are creatures of habit. They'll wonder if they are “enough” if you enjoy using toys to compliment your sexual session.

#4 Engage him

Let your partner know it is them you are in love with, not your Rabbit. Try not to play the, you-masturbate-too-card because he will say he doesn’t use an artificial vagina and then the conversation will just go downhill. Rather, if more explanation is necessary compare it to another position for you two to enjoy. Let him know it turns you on when he watches you enjoy yourself. It is probably turning him on too, he just has to get used to it.

But once he does; congratulations! You will be able to throw away the box it came in, and use that cute little satin bag. Finally!

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in  Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."

She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CDs rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

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3 Must Read Books on Women's Sexual Health

Ladies, can we talk? While the good folks at GetLusty want you and your partner to get your freak on as much as possible, we know it’s just not as awesome if your bodies aren’t feeling so great. So we’ve put together a list of books geared toward all the crazy things that go on inside those beautiful bodies. And, let’s face it, there’s a LOT going on. These books rock because they are straightforward and sex-positive. Take care of you! GetLusty writer Stephanie Vanderwall reports.

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#1 Sex Matters For Women, Second Edition: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self


By Sallie Foley, MSW, Sally A. Kope, MSW, and Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D.

Sex is talked about more openly today than ever before, but if you still struggle with sexual myths, self-doubt, and "embarrassing" questions, you are in good company. Now in a fully updated second edition, this trusted guide has already helped many thousands of women understand how their bodies work and take charge of their sexuality. The authors are experienced therapists who interweave candid reflections from diverse women with current, science-based information, exercises, and advice. You'll find answers to everything from how to have more satisfying sex to questions about body image, anatomy, hormones, relationships, sexual orientation, sexually transmitted infections, and trauma. If sexuality is a lifelong journey consider this book a roadmap for self-discovery and growth.

Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex says: "This second edition takes a classic book on female sexuality to another level. It is comprehensive and grounded in research, yet fun to read alone or with a partner. With a focus on female sexual satisfaction and pleasure, this book is a 'must have' for women of all ages and backgrounds. I can't wait to share it with my daughter!"

Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., coauthor of The G Spot calls it "the most comprehensive book on women's sexual health I have ever read. The clear, positive information and the suggested exercises cover all aspects of women's sexuality and offer ways for women to take charge of their sexual selves. The second edition features new information and resources, offered in a supportive and affirming manner, which will help readers, develop sexual comfort, confidence, and satisfaction. A 'must read' for women of all ages."

#2 What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend

By Lissa Rankin, M.D.

Suppose you had a wise, warm, funny best friend—who just happened to be a gynecologist. You’re out with the girls for cocktails and the conversation turns to sex, and then to girly parts. One by one, you start asking her all the questions you’ve secretly wondered about—and discover that you have a lot in common.

If you were to write those questions down, then you’d have What’s Up Down There?, a life-changing little book that answers: Do old ladies have saggy vaginas?, How do male gynecologists have a sex life without feeling like they’re stuck at the office?, Is it normal for your inner labia to hang out of your outer labia?, Can the baby feel its mom having sex during pregnancy?, How common is it for one's boobs to be two totally different sizes? And so much more! As outrageously funny as it is empowering, this book reveals how to love yourself and your body; and will have you recommending it to every woman you know.

Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex For Busy Couples says: “Dr. Lissa Rankin has written a courageous book, providing information about topics that few others are willing to tackle. And when she doesn’t know the answer, she says so, giving us all the more reason to trust the answers she does give. What’s Up Down There dispels myths while reminding us of the beauty and mystery of our girl-bodies.”

“This was a really fun book to read, a real treasure trove of user-friendly information about the female body. Dr. Rankin really does come across as the reader's girlfriend, with her fun, down to earth, informal writing style…I love how the book ended with chapters on female empowerment and reclaiming ownership of your yoni. This isn't just some book of medical information; it's a gateway into learning to love the female body and to take it back from all the negative societal messages out there denigrating women and female sexuality. These really are the types of questions most women would never think to ask their gynecologist unless she were their best friend, and the kinds of dialogues that the average modern doctor doesn't have time for.” –Amazon Customer

#3 When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide To Banishing Sexual Pain

By Andrew Goldstein, M.D., Caroline Pukall, Ph.D., and Irwin Goldstein, M.D.

For the 20 million women who suffer from painful intercourse: this is the first book to address the multiple causes and the available treatments. Painful sex is a condition that causes embarrassment and silence—often going undiscussed or misdiagnosed. As many as 40 percent of women that suffer from pain during sex won’t seek medical care. And most medical professionals are still in the dark when it comes to women’s sexual pain.

Now, three leading experts tackle the stereotypes, myths, and realities of sexual pain in this easy-to-understand, accessible guide that will help you get the help you need and deserve. Drs. Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein offer answers to your most pressing questions, as well as: up-to-date information on the more than 20 causes of sexual pain, how to choose the right doctor—and how to interpret your doctor’s lingo, valuable tips for understanding sexual pain, and what can be done about it, and how to rebuild sexual intimacy once the pain is gone. Featuring groundbreaking research and stories from women who’ve also suffered—and recovered—When Sex Hurts provides all of the tools you need to stop hurting and start healing.

Cindy Meston, Ph.D., Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, author of Why Women Have Sex calls it “the most comprehensive, accessible, and illuminating look into women’s sexual pain ever written, packed with up-to-date and invaluable information. When Sex Hurts is a must read for any woman, or partner of a woman, who has experienced painful sex.”

“I really enjoyed this book. It goes into so much detail and lets you know all the possible causes and it tells you how to talk to your doctor and working together for the best treatment. It also made me hopeful that I may not have to live with this forever and that there are treatments that are less invasive then surgery that may work. I think anyone suffering from vaginal pain should read this book!” –Amazon Reader

Stephanie Vanderwall has long believed she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. She is a lover of good food, good sex and good grammar. A recent transplant to Chicago, she spends her free time with her super-duper-fly boyfriend and their three "kids" (2 cats, 1 dog). She has a blog she writes in every so often. She's still trying to get the whole Twitter thing down, but you can follow her @Vanderfloozie. Want to get in touch with her? Email stephanie@getlusty.com.

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Ladies! 5 Reasons You Should Masturbate

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Erotic Orgasm Denial 101

Erotic orgasm denial is supremely hot. Though we've just been introduced to this idea, it already sounds fabulous. And it's the weekend, what better time to try new things sexually? On top of that, we just love articles by Portia Blush. Without adieu, Portia Blush, our master of female domination, is here to talk about erotic orgasm denial.

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You've heard that old adage, "Tis' better to give than to receive", right? Orgasm has long been the goalpost that most of us look forward to reaching during our sexual escapades, so much so that sometimes we lose sight of enjoying ourselves in the pleasure of the moment. When sex is goal-oriented and we become fixated in whether or not we're going to climax, it can actually lessen our pleasure, rather than heighten it. This anxiety over whether or not one is going to climax or not, or how long it's taking to reach that point, can actually inhibit the very thing we crave. But what if we took the goal away? What if suddenly there was no finish line?

What is erotic denial?

Erotic orgasm denial, or sometimes called "tease and denial" play, takes away the goal of orgasm, and helps your partner not only focus on the pleasure they are giving, but also heightens the pleasure they are receiving.

Orgasm Denial is the practice of withholding and/or denying orgasm during sexual activity in order to maintain a heightened state of arousal for an extended time. Within a D/s (dominant/submissive) bond in a BD/SM relationship, it is also used as a method of, or reinforcement of, control. For it to be most effective, a degree of familiarity with your partner is paramount; knowing the subtle (and not so subtle) cues of their stages of arousal will be needed for you to learn where their orgasmic edge lies. Intimate knowledge of your partner's sexual response will help you to know how, where, and when to vary the intensity and timing of the stimulation accurately. The amount of time orgasm is withheld varies upon many factors, just as the reasons for doing so, and can range from hours, to days, or even months! Although the word "denial" may sound controlling, please know that this type of play is consensual, and not forced. Both partners are willing and hopefully eager, participants.

The numerous degrees of orgasm denial

Orgasm Denial can include several different degrees of play. "Edging", or "tease and denial", is when you stimulate your partner almost to the point of orgasm, but then reduce or stop the stimulation just prior to climax, only to then work up to that point again, and repeat the process. This style can be done in short or long-term scenarios, as decided by between lovers. Enforced Chastity is another form of orgasm denial in which orgasm is not only controlled and denied, but other sexual stimulation as well. It can also include masturbation, in addition to partner sexual exchange. This can be done through just verbal command and acceptance, or through more extreme measures by using chastity enforcement devices.

The joys of Orgasm Denial can be experienced within the context of a D/s relationship in BD/SM play, or it can be shared between two partners who just want to enjoy experimenting with new forms of erotic sexual play. No matter what your relationship style the benefits are the same; sustained, intensified pleasure. Also, orgasm control can be shared between couples of varying gender configurations. Please know that I am writing this article from the viewpoint of a woman with primarily male lovers, so I am referring mostly here to male orgasm denial, though the characteristics of female orgasm denial are extensively similar.

Top 5 Reasons to Try Orgasm Denial

#1 Heightened Sensations

While one might think of denying orgasm as incredibly limiting to pleasure, it's actually the opposite. By withholding orgasm you force your partner to remain in a place of sustained arousal, and that arousal continues to build upon itself, instead of decreasing through the release of orgasm. When you don't allow your partner to fall over that climactic edge, the erotic energy magnifies, making even the subtlest of stimulation that much more intense than before. Your partner will experience your touch at a whole new level. Suddenly the person being denied the orgasm will rediscover kisses, touches, and other pleasures that had become routine.

#2 The Big "O" Just Got Bigger

When you deny your partner an orgasm by continually bringing them to the precipice of their edge, but never allowing them to fall over, you increase their ability to sustain that state of arousal for longer and longer periods of time. This allows the person being denied the orgasm to experience that heightened pleasure for longer periods of time, but also now is able to focus intently on the pleasure in the moment, without the pressure of progressing towards climax. After remaining in this tide of the ebb and flow of this state of intensified arousal, when they are allowed to come, the orgasmic pleasures experienced will be intensified above and beyond those felt during a typical sexual experience. Some people say that even their most pleasurable peaks were no comparison to those reached after being denied orgasm for periods of time.

#3 Increased Sexual Frequency 

Heightened sensations mean heightened enjoyment, and the longer you remain in that heightened state of arousal, the more often you want to be experiencing sexual sensations. The person is stimulated that much easier, as they are almost in a constant state of arousal because they have yet to complete the arousal cycle through orgasmic release. It can become almost a constant state of desire. And what does this mean for you? More sex! They will want to have sex more often, and you get the reap the benefits!

#4 Rediscovery of Your Partner  

Ladies, restricting his orgasms, and exercising control over whether or not he has one, and when , will have him focussed on pleasing you! When his orgasm is restricted, your lover will become more tuned in to you, and will learn how to put your pleasures before their own. It will help him relearn the exquisite pleasure of a lingering deep kiss, or a soft caress, as they no longer are markers along the way to orgasm, but now the main course to savor. Orgasm Denial teaches your partner how to derive pleasure from pleasing his partner; you!

#5 The Joy of Surrender  

Power Exchange can be incredibly erotic in itself, so what better way to enhance your intimacy then by surrendering the control of your most intimate, personal acts; orgasms. It can be highly arousing to give yourself over to another this way, and allow yourself to experience how freeing giving up control can be. When we are expected to be in charge of so much in life, surrendering the responsibility to your lover to take care of you can be not only a relief, but intoxicatingly powerful.

It's always exciting to try new experiences together, especially in the bedroom. Orgasm Denial may be that next new thing on your horizon to bring you closer together! While I understand it may not be everyone's erotic cup of tea, I encourage you to have an open mind, and consider that Orgasm Denial play may have something to offer you and your lover. As always, play safe, and most of all, have fun my fellow sexplorers!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

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6 Tips for Success: Vulva 101 (NSFW)

At GetLusty, we have to admit it; we love vagina. Vagina's come in all shapes, colors and sizes, so we aim to showcase all kinds of vagina's in our articles--not just the touched up one's. Now, last week we talked about loving the vagina—whether its your own or your partner’s.

In this article, we'd like to tell you a little bit about what makes a vagina happy and healthy and on great days, horny. GetLusty's Tia Shine reports.

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First off, grab a hand mirror. I’m not going to ask you to touch it—just take a look at it. Don’t worry—we’re doing this together. Now, don’t go looking for the vagina—you’re not going to see it. What you are going to see is the vulva. Most women do not know that what we actually can see with the naked eye is called the vulva. The vagina is the actual canal that leads from the opening to the cervix.

Notice your curves

First thing you should notice—there is a layer of fat where pubic hair grows. That’s called the mons pubis. It is there to protect the vaginal bone and heighten sexual arousal as part of the clitoral complex. It connects to the labia majora, the outer lips of the vagina, which are also used as boundaries to protect the vulva. Within the labia majora, we have the labia minora, which are strongly connected to clitoris. 

Find your clitoris

Like I mentioned in my previous article, Ode to the Vagina, seventy percent of women experience orgasms from the clitoris. Just a suggestion—learn to love your clitoris. With 8000 nerve endings, it is there solely for pleasure and can provide you with sexual euphoria, time and time again. Confused where all of this is? Look at this picture and remember—starting from the mons pubis, you have your urethra, the vaginal opening, and then the anus. This seems elementary, but “which lucky hole is it?” is a question many women ask themselves when putting in their first tampon.

More on the vagina

The vagina. It has a few functions—it is used for birthing, sexual pleasure, and the release of blood during menstruation. It can get longer and wider depending on the time of the month, the penis of the moment, or the birth of the year.

A word on the G-spot

Inside the vagina, there lives the oh-so popular, yet controversial part: the G-spot. The Gräfenberg spot was discovered in 1981 and is considered to give women longer and more intense orgasms than the clitoris. It is known to be two to three inches inside the vagina against the front wall. If you’re interested in finding it, go for it!

Slip one or two fingers and put pressure in the direction of your stomach and you should feel a small, bean-shaped organ. If you do not want to do it yourself, you can use a vibrator or even your partner. Go ahead—your vagina is ready when you are. With that said, below are a few ways to make sure your vagina is feeling good all year long.

Bonus! Tips for the success of your vulva & vagina

1) Notice your vaginal discharge. It is the mucus your vagina releases as a way to clean and protect the vagina from bacteria.

Every woman differs in the amount, but for the most part, it is a clear mucus that is released from the vagina during all moments of the day and can vary depending on the woman’s cycle. It also tends to increase during your sexy-time with your partner and even when you have a few dirty thoughts during work. It is an expression used by the vagina to let us know how horny and how healthy we actually are.

2) Get to know your smell. Every woman has a distinct smell that comes from between her legs. If it smells a little different or more potent than usual, think about the last time you showered. Also, remember that the vagina may smell differently when you are ovulating, menstruating, or sexually aroused. If uncertain, talk to your gynecologist.

3) Don't douche. You do not need to douche your vagina. It is unnecessary and could actually cause infections and unhealthy bacteria in the vagina. Just wash thoroughly while you’re in the shower and that should be enough.

4) When you are sexually aroused, do not be alarmed of your labia minora and majora appear swollen and/or red. You more than likely do not have an allergic reaction to your lube or are blushing with your lady parts—you’re just super turned on.

5) Some people say you should wear 100% cotton panties while you sleep, but I say let your vagina take a breather. It’s usually the only chance she gets to get some much-needed fresh air.

6) Treat her well. Wear silky underwear if that makes you feel sexy. Give her a little love in the morning when you wake up or before you go to sleep—or both. Surprise her with a midnight porn session.

From this article, you can tell the last thing the vagina is is easy—she’s intricate and purposeful. So keep her happy, healthy, and horny.

Thanks to the Beauty of Vagina's Tumblr for the gorgeous vagina pics! Love your vagina, ladies. There is NO wrong way to have a vagina!

Call her Tia. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois.

As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive.

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What is Vulva Massage & Why It's a Must-Try? (NSFW)

You can probably tell that, here at GetLusty, we love vulvas. That's why we want to dive into vulva massages! But what is a vulva massage? Tantra education, Devi Ward, is here to answer that question, plus why we ladies should massage our vulvas every day!

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Vulva massage, what is it?

Pussy massage, or as I like to affectionately say “vulva massage” just happens to be my favorite kind of massage, and the only sort of massage that I will indulge in on an almost daily basis.

Aside from just feeling really good, there are wondrous arrays of emotional and physiological benefits associated with a good old-fashioned vulva massage. What is a vulva you might ask? Check out Vulva 101 for more information!

3 reasons vulva massages are good for you


#1 It's healthy

It is emotionally and psychologically healing for women to feel comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy touching their genitals in both a sexual and non-sexual way.

Back when we were little toddlers, before our sex-negative cultural conditioning was firmly established in our psyches, we touched our vulvas with blissful abandon. Completely free of any sense of guilt, shame, or even self-consciousness, we enjoyed the innocent exploration of our bodies, especially this mysterious area that felt so nice to hold and handle.

By massaging our vulvas on a regular basis, we not only inform our intellectual minds that this is happy & healthy thing to do, but we also inform our emotional body that this is an acceptable activity, thereby healing some of that painful misinformation we received as children so long ago.

#2 It heals

Regular full body massage is known to have physically healing, regenerative and even therapeutic effects on the cellular tissue of the body. If we are stressed out and tense, physical massage is usually a great way to relax the muscles and heal that stress related tension. Massage also acts to increase blood flow and circulation in the tissue being massaged, as well as help with stimulating the lymphatic system to support it’s work in carrying toxins out of the body. If massage works to do all of these things to other areas of your body, imagine what it can do for your genitals!

#3 It's highly sensual

Recent studies have shown that women have as much erectile tissue in our “sexual pleasure organs” as a man has in his penis. And, it can take as much as 20-45 minutes before all of that erectile tissue is fully engorged and ready for action. Vulva massage helps with a woman’s ability to fully respond to sexual stimulation by ensuring that all of her “pleasure centers” are primed and pumped!

I find it so very interesting that the primary function of “female viagra” is to increase blood flow and circulation in the sexual organs so that a woman can feel more sexual pleasure and sensation. I have had many female students report an increase in libido and sexual pleasure when they began to actively give themselves vulva massage in both a sexual and non-sexual manner.

With all of those amazing benefits, you would think that women would be having vulva massages on regular basis!

Devi Ward is an International Authentic Tantra Educator & Sensual Empowerment Coach. Devi has been on a path of Erotic Awakening and Spiritual Embodiment since 1993, studying meditation, holistic healing arts, and alternative forms of erotic expression. Devi has been a Professional Sensual Movement Artist since 1992.

Devi is the Founder of Feminine Emergence and creator of Sacred Erotic Dance™; a Movement-Healing modality that uses The 5 Core Pelvic Movements™, Authentic Tantra™ & Sensual Dance, to produce physical, emotional and spiritual healing in our relationship to sexual and sensual self-expression.

Her first book “Shake Your Soul Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” is scheduled for release in October 2012. Follow Devi on Twitter @deviwardtantra and on Facebook.

You have read this article advice / Devi Ward / health / vagina / vulva / women with the title women. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/what-is-vulva-massage-why-it-must-try.html. Thanks!

How to Get What You Want Sexually

GetLusty loves to speak our minds, especially with our lovers and partners. Feeling confident enough to tell your lover just what you want in and out of the bedroom can be life changing. Seriously. Expressing yourself can really improve your love life. Communicating clearly about your sexual desires also brings you and your partner closer intimately. Portia Blush is here with a personal take on how to ask for what you want (in this case anal) in bed.

* * *

Have you ever had a lover say, “Tell me what you want,” while you were in bed? You could also be wherever you might find yourself naked and sexually entangled together. Alternatively, have you, yourself, asked this very question of a lover?

Here I am, lucky enough to learn the in's and out's of my sexuality fairly thoroughly. I know what makes me tick, tock, and even KABOOM. As I explored along the way, I learned how to be comfortable enough with myself and my lover/s to ask for what I wanted. It’s not an easy task to say the least, and it took time. It takes a real level of vulnerability that a lot of people just aren’t able to access. However, look at the other choice! Amassing a collection of unsatisfying experiences? No, no. But, hey, we’ve all had those. So after awhile, you just have to take that bull of sex by its horns.

Get vulnerable

Knowledge is power, right? But what if you ask for something that maybe the other person isn’t expecting to hear? What if you ask for something that they’re just not into?

I have been lovers with a friend on and off for the better part of 17 years. He’s known me since before I even knew what an orgasm with a partner was. The key words there being “with a partner”.

We were together when my “sexploration” was all new and shiny, and for the most part, uncharted territory. It's fairly safe to say that he came into my life just as I was about to embark on figuring out just who I was as a sexual creature. In fact, I had my very first threesome and my very first experience with a female lover, with him. Ah, the memories.

Now, our sexual escapades together have been fairly low key as far as I’m concerned. Stop laughing. The threesome I mentioned is mild compared to the meat of the journey. Really, in truth, we’ve been fairly standard fare lovers with each other from that time out, in light of where I explored without him. Recently, he asked me “Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do.” And then it happened; that awkward moment when I wished, in a moment of self-consciousness, that I could take my answer back.

I went out on a limb

“Do you like anal?”, I queried. Silence. "With the right person, and in the right moment," he answered. We have not spoken of it since. And I knew the answer, which really is a “No”, before I even asked him. I was caught in this moment that sounded like this in my head, “Oh, uh yeah, me either, just kidding.” I knew that, because in all 17+ years of being lovers with him, he’s never “made a move”, nor implied in conversation, that he would like to add that to our sexual menu. I, being the explorer, went out on a limb.

So, there is this stereotype that all men are just longing for the “so taboo” anal sex experience. As the stereotype goes, men are always finding their female partners to be completely reluctant.

If not totally against the idea of anything, even remotely, nudging the puckered pink door of nether-regions. And here I am, the apparent female sexual anomaly. I love anal sex, now feeling more than mildly embarrassed for feeling that way.

I got embarrassed

OK, I get it. Even I am picky about the circumstances of playing anally, but really, suddenly I was having this total feeling of school-girl embarrassment come over me, that I had not experienced in a long time. And it’s not like we were new lovers, we had a rich sexual relationship. The question here being more, “Why am I now embarrassed?”, more so than, “Why doesn’t he want to?”. Because honestly, we all have those things that trip our triggers. While that might be high on my list, it doesn’t mean it will be even be a blip on his radar.

Prepare for surprise, but do it anyway

Stereotypes may have some truth, but are not an across the board rule book, and that goes both ways. There are men that love anal, men that don’t, women that love anal, and women that will strangle the shit out of you if you even dare think about trying it. I am one of those rare exceptions, and I love it! So, my intrepid sexplorers, remember this; “Tell me what you want”, is as difficult a question to answer, as it is to ask. Have some respect for the vulnerability that it takes to answer, just as you would like for having done the asking. And always, prepare to be surprised.

Originally posted at Erogenous by Portia Blush!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

You have read this article Communication / men / Portia Blush / relationships / sex / Sexuality / women with the title women. You can bookmark this page URL https://jadejurgensen.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-get-what-you-want-sexually.html. Thanks!