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In the Western world, masturbation has traditionally carried heavy negative connotations. But no more! In the 21st century, it has emerged as not only a valid and enjoyable sexual activity, but as a method of battling depression and increasing self-worth. What was once known as ‘self-abuse’ is now seen by role models such as Oprah Winfrey as ‘self-cultivation’.
And self-cultivation is an excellent way of phrasing it. If you can cultivate confidence in what turns you on and communicate that to your partner, you will be able to increase the sexual harmony and fulfillment in your relationship. So, ladies, what can you do to improve your self-(s)exploration sessions? Read on to find out my top recommendations.
#1 Compliment yourself
Go ahead and feel sexy. There are many ways to feel better about your naked body. Feel free to put notes on your mirrors saying, "You're beautiful." Confirm that you're wonderful and you desire the feeling of pleasure. Admire your beautiful body, and know that your partner admires it too. You might be feeling lusty. But to achieve peak pleasure, it’s important to shed timidity and explore fearlessly!
#2 Explore erogenous zones
Don’t just focus on the obvious vagino-labio-clitoral stimulation. Let your hands wander over the sometimes forgotten common female erogenous zones. Your breasts, nipples and orgasm could thank you! Experiment with anal stimulation. Investigate other sensitive areas. Your stomach, feet, ears—anything! Enjoy the pleasure points nature has gifted you with.
#3 Use your imagination
Sex writers such as Dan Savage recommend tapping into your imagination over using porn. It allows you to tap into your fantasies. Want to add a bit of fantasy to your sex life? This is the perfect time to try it out; you might bring to life with the help of your partner later. That said, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a little visual stimulation! Personally, I recommend erotic literature (from sites such as literotica.com). It's a combination of pre-created imagery and imagination for your enjoyment.
#4 Lubrication
Lube is a great way to heighten pleasure. You can use the usual name-brand water based lubricants, or alternatives such as olive oil. Olive oil is NOT safe for use with condoms, however many doctors (including my own gynecologist and writers such as Debby Herbenick) recommend it as a pleasurable and effective personal female lubricant.
#5 Toys
GetLusty loves sex toys. Think sex toys are just for dirty people? Not true. In this modern world, a plethora of dildos, vibrators, and other tools are available for personal gratification. Toys are a great way to increase both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. If you don’t want to spend money, there are plenty of creative alternatives. From produce (wash first and/or use with a condom) to iPhone apps such as ‘ibrate’, there are many exciting ways to accent your masturbation sessions.
Studies about masturbation consistently show that women masturbate less than men. One example in Psychology Today suggested that as low as 38% of women masturbate in a year. The cultural causes for these numbers bear exploration, however this is an issue that can be remedied with individual changes. Have confidence in your body.
Forget everything you have read or heard about technique. Some may give recommendations on what's ‘supposed to’ feel good. Focus on you. Enjoy cultivating an understanding of your body. Follow your feelings and instincts to the pinnacle of your personal pleasure. And don’t forget to share the details with your partner!
Remy Gainsbourg is the newest GetLusty staff writer, with a special interest in long-distance relationships.When Remy isn’t writing for GetLusty, she’s usually holed up in a café designing intricate design projects, running around Chicago or Japan with a camera in hand. When she’s not doing those things, you can find her having a darkroom development marathon, or researching sexuality and gender relations around the world. Remy is an avid erotica and sex advice reader and an erotic photography connoisseur. Questions, comments or feedback for Remy? Get in touch with her at reply@getlusty.com.
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